Body Issues

maymay_10's picture

Body Issues

Okay, this is a rant more than anything.
I've become so uncomfortable with my body that I've been doing an insanely unhealthy diet. I do a lot of exercise, walking, steps, yoga, pilates, and I hardly eat. My eating habits have gotten to the point that when I go to the cafe with my friends they force me to go get things, and more or less force me to eat in general. I eat small amounts of food twice a day. And by small amounts of food, I mean I'm lucky to eat a solid 700 calories a day. I've lost a little over 10 pounds, in four weeks, and that's in no way shape of form, healthy. I need to stop this, but I've gotten so used to the amount that I've been eating, that I actually start to feel sick once I eat so much, so I just stop.
Yesterday I ate a wheat-bread sandwich with one slice of turkey deli meat, a slice of lettuce, and tomatoe, and at dinner a couple of bites of broccoli and rice. Somedays I eat less than that.
I want to lose weight, yes... but I don't want to do it in this unhealthy way.
I feel horrible when I eat though. Every bite is just another negative thought from myself. "You'll never be pretty enough," "You'll never be good enough for anything, or anyone." "Who could ever love you, when you look this disgusting." I actually convince myself that I'm eating a lot when I eat, and then I feel horrible about it.

It's 2:30 now. I skipped breakfast, and lunch. I drank a coffee three hours ago, and ate a little bit of a muffin.

I need to get myself back to a healthy eating habit. The negative voices in my head need to leave me be so I can be happy. Why can't I pick out the positive things about my appearance? Why do I only focus on the bad?

Rant is over. Sorry for that... I was just thinking about it today, and thought I'd post something. Blah. <3 MCRmy <3