WARNING: This post may be considered depressing. Skip past if you don't want to read it.

I'm so... confused? I don't know if that's the right word. Everything is so jumbled up, I don't know what to think. It's like someone took all the good things AND bad things in my head and balled them up together like string. And they toss it around so fast that you can't see anything individual, just a big mass of different colors, most of them dark. And they're so close together and so fast that it all blends together into one big shape, fairly dark. Occasionally a string comes loose and the end whips around and smacks me in the face, but the only ones that come close enough for me to clearly see are the bad ones. Never good. I know there are good things in there, I've seen them before. But they're really hard to see now. I got my license yesterday. I should be happy about that. But I'm not. I mean, I am, for moments at a time. And then it fades and the darkness returns. God, why do I have to be so terrible with people? Nothing I say ever goes right. I could give someone a compliment and they'd hate me for it. I'm just so fucking stupid. There has got to be something wrong in my head. No matter what I say, people just think it's stupid. And they wonder why I don't talk. I have friends who say "Oh yeah, me too, I'm just as socially awkward as you!" But they aren't. They can talk to people without that person giving them a look that says "Why are you even talking?" They don't have to stop, demoralized, halfway through a sentence because they've realized that no one, not even their best friends, is paying attention anymore. My friends try and convince me that I know how to handle everything because I always analyze things rationally. But they don't understand that even when I DO analyze it rationally, it doesn't matter. Everything falls apart anyway. That's my entire life. They have one or two situations where things don't work out. But my whole life is nothing but a series of mistakes. I hate it. I just wish everything would get better and I could live like them, worrying about a few small mistakes rather than my whole life going downhill. I hate it so much. Anyway, sorry this is so long and fairly depressing, I'll try to keep it more cheerful next time.
Explosive Sunlight