Ugh...

-Lynn-'s picture

Ugh...

So, other songwriters out there, do you ever start writing a song and then a couple of verses in just be like "This sounds stupid as hell"? I'm trying to write a song right now that accurately describes my feelings, and, well, it isn't going well. Eh. Maybe I'll just start over. It sucks because I can't bring my song notebook to school anymore, because, since I write what I feel, there are a few songs about suicide and depression in there, and another one about the guy I like (who, right at the time I got up the courage to ask him out, got a girlfriend), so... Yeah. It would be a DISASTER if anybody saw those. I would DIE. So now I'm not really sure what to do. I feel like I should write a song about not being able to write a song. But, you know, that doesn't really work. I have one friend who's sort of close who keeps asking to see my songs, but they're usually EXTREMELY personal, so I only let one really, really close friend see them (the aforementioned guy). Now I feel like I'm hurting my friend's feelings because I won't let him see my songs, but seriously. He doesn't even know that I'm depressed. And that's not the kind of thing you want to find out by reading a song where the last lines are
"Buildings and bridges,
I'm jumping down."
So now I don't really know what I'm going to do about any of it, except I'm probably going to cut myself, because that's what I do when I feel like this. Plus I kinda think I need a hug. So, no one will probably read this, I doubt anyone cares that much, but whatever. I just needed to say it.

~Explosive Sunlight

P.S. Plus I think one of my cuts might be infected. So. That's nice.