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need to get this off my chest..

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So, first thing's first.... I need to stop talking to myself at school..... People think it's just a tad weird..

I've been dropping hints to my mom about my suspecting that I was raped at age 6. She called my sister to ask if it was true, and my sister pretty much confirmed it... I thought I had dreamed the whole issue up and now I can't stop thinking about it!! Ever since I started dating and having sexual feelings for people, I've been getting flashbacks of that day and another day..... It's causing me to self destruct... I feel like that fucking movie "Perks of Being a Wallflower" was based off of my life..... How fucking horrible is that??!! I mean, the similarities!! It's truly terrifying.... cause I've tried lots of that stuff, I'm antisocial and awkward... Just, wow.... I'm scared....
And Aaron says he still loves me...... He's dating this girl, Aly, and he keeps telling me he doesn't have feelings for her and wants to break up with her... He told my friend the exact same shit about me while we were dating.. He said he still had feelings for Aly and wanted to get back with her... Now he still has feelings for me and wants to get back with me..... I'm caught in this huge fucking "love" mess and I can't seem to escape.....
I'm sorry guys, for blogging about this stuff... it's just... My mom has everything BUT this site.... and if she knew some of these things going through my head.. well.... I'd be sent away for a very long time...