GONE

lostn'foundagain's picture

GONE

i'm a ghost.... totally invisible.
I know they love me,
but why don't they show it?
I feel like when they look at me,
they never really see....
me....

the selfish, whiny, bitchy me....
I don't like who I am.
neither do they, but....
they haven't ever seen....
me....

i'm too far away for their eyes.
too far gone, I guess...
I don't know if i'll ever go back...
i'm just too far.... too far...
gone...

out of sight, out of mind...
I'm still invisible...
like a poltergeist,
causing trouble wherever there is....
me....

I say 'sorry, i'm so sorry'
but i don't mean it...
they don't here...
so i write this, before i'm...
Gone....

I wrote this last night when I was hiding my fave in the laptop... I was kinda depressed, as you can tell.. so when I walked my boyfriend home, I ended up hanging out at his house for about and hour.... I hugged him and tried to tell him what was going on in my head, but I couldn't quite explain it... i told how i was scared, i don't even know why, but i was... it felt like pure terror had just gripped me in it's bloody claws and wouldn't let me go, i was so sacred i started crying.... i don't know why it happened. but it did.... i hate it when i get that scared,... it never happens when i'm with someone,... always when im alone.... lost in my thoughts... but you know what? i think Tristan REALLY loves me... he really cares about me, and i never want that to end... and i just love him back oh so much... and i worry that i'm too clingy and that's going to cause him to leave me, so i get even more clingy.... but when i told him this, he just hugged me, kissed my forehead, and said "do you think i would EVER leave you? you mean too much to me." i'm just so happy that i have someone as special as him in my life....
i love you Tristan :) and happy birthday <3