I'm not sure how to put this but yeah, i don't really believe in love. And it's not because of any of my ex's who broke my heart, in fact i've never dated anyone before. It probably has more to do with my mom and father. I saw him abuse her one day and now all i can think about is how they once told each other that this was forever, "Till death do we part". And they were once so happy together, and they most likely told each other that they loved one another and wanted to get married. They had three kids between them and they were so happy. And then it all fell apart. I was young when it happened and it broke everything i one knew. Now it's like love only truely exist in fairytales and people tell each other they love them for false reasons. i mean tv is a reflection of modern society, it's what we think and it's our deepest fantasies. Well people on tv can't tell each other they love them without having sex and i'm sick of everything. I'm so scared to fall in love or have someone tell me that they love me so i push people away and i try to stay away from boys but now i'm pushing my first boyfriend away. I feel bad about it, it's not his fault that this stuff happened to my family but i'm afraid to get close to him so that it gets to the point of us saying that we love each other. I'm not sure what to do, i want to keep him and not break his heart, but i have this voice in the back of my mind telling me it's never going to be real. And i think i'm scared that every guy i meet will be like my father. :(
