I smiled at him, rolling my eyes at the others as they started arguing about horror movies.
“Dawn of the Dead is the best old time scary movie” Mikey argued with his friends and brother. “There’s no way you can say it isn’t!”
“I’m not saying it isn’t.” Gerard countered, giving his brother a friendly glare. “I just prefer the Original ‘Wolf Man’.”
“What about ‘Dracula?” Frank said, pouting a little. “Vampires are better than werewolves!”
“But Pirates are better than both!” Bob said with a grin, earning a playful punch from Frank.
I giggled, smiling before closing my eyes and humming ‘Black Parade” to myself, tapping my legs along to the rhythms. I was starting to doze off when I heard Frank say.
“Hey, Becki?” I opened an eye, looking curiously at him.
“Yes?”
“Will you play me something? PLEASE??” I lifted an eyebrow at him, trying not to fall for his puppy dog eyes. “I want to hear you sing!”
“I don’t know…” I said in a fake bored tone, hiding a smile. “Why should I?
“Come on, Becki.” Gerard said, “Be nice to Frankie.” He winked and I forced back a blush. Damn it…
“I need a guitar, then.” Bob grinned, jumping up and running up the `gaped in awe as he pulled a small amp from beneath the TV and had it all set up in a few minutes.
“Wow.” I muttered as I took the guitar from Bob carefully. It was a deep red, and it gave off an almost gentle glow as I put the strap around me, the weight familiar and almost natural. I strummed it a little, playing a few chords from ‘Sharpest Lives’ to warm myself up.
Ray looked up in surprise, as if expecting to realize they were at a show, his mouth spreading into a grin as he sees me. The rest of them sit excitedly on the couch, looking like little kids, and I take a deep breath, tapping my foot as I thought of a song.
“Becki-?” Gerard asks, but Frank shushes him, almost bouncing in excitement. I let my mind roam through all the songs that danced in my head, and I grinned, moving my fingers gently, as I began singing.
“Hear the sound, the angels come screaming. Down your voice, I hear you’ve been bleeding.” I shook my hair out of my face, feeling myself slipping under the guitars spell. “Make your choice. They say you’ve been pleading-! ‘Someone save us!’ Heaven Help us now!”
I let the rhythm take control of me, and I began moving my leg as I sang with my eyes closed, my body swaying slightly to the beat that danced in my head.
“Come Crashing down, we’ll hear the sound as you’re falling down.” I took a breath, letting my fingers move like feathers across the guitar, quick and light.
“I’m at this old hotel, and I can’t tell if I’ve be breathing or sleeping or screaming or waiting, for the man to call, and maybe all of the above.”
I began to move around the packed living room, feeling all their eyes on me, staring intensely, but I pushed it from my mind, focusing on the next few lyrics and cords.
“'Cause mostly I’ve been sprawled on these cathedral steps, spewing out the blood and screaming, ‘Someone Save us!’ Heaven Help us now! Come crashing down, we hear the sound as you’re falling down.
And won’t you pray for me...Or Make a saint of me…And will you lay for me…Or make a saint of-
‘Cause I’ll give you all the nails you’ll need! Cover me in gasoline; wipe away those tears of blood again!
And the punchline to the joke is asking, ‘Someone save us!!’ Heaven help us-!”
BRING!! BRING!!
I was jerked back from my music world by Gerard’s phone ringing, and the others seemed to wake up from a trance. Gerard gave me a ‘Sorry!’ look as he answered it, as Frank, Mikey, Ray, and Bob glared at him with narrowed eyes.
“Hello?”
He got up and walked into what I guess was Bob’s kitchen, and I felt my body click back completely. I shook my hair out, feeling eyes on me. I looked up, asking.
“Yes?”
Frank, Mikey and Ray where gaping at me slightly, while Bob gave me an approving grin. I shuffled my feet, blushing.
“Um…guys?”
Frank and the other 2 seemed to regain their senses, and to my complete embarrassment, they started clapping, Ray even wolf whistled.
“Beck, that was awesome!” Frank said, his gold hazel eyes alive with excitement, “You have a wicked voice!”
Mikey grinned, and said,
“You sounded a lot like Gerard!” I bowed my head, my face entirely red.
“You guys are just saying that…” I rubbed my neck, wiping away the bit of sweat there. “You can’t really mean that. I mean, Gerard has the most amazing voice…and mine sounds-”
“Just like his.” Ray interrupted, giving me a grin. “I thought it was him singing it at first.”
I felt like a sun had just ignited in my chest, my face lighting up.
“That’s the first time anyone’s every said they liked my singing.” I gave them my best smile as I plopped down in Gerard’s spot between Ray and Frank, holding the guitar in my lap. Still feeling completely embarrassed about what they’d said, I added, “But my voice sounds nothing like Gerard’s. As least not to me.”
“Well, it does.” Frank said, reaching over and messing up my hair, making me swat his hand away. “And I’ll keep telling you that until you believe me.”
I stuck my tongue out at him, leaning on Ray’s shoulder and sighing happily.
“Whatever, Frankie. You’re crazy.”
Ray grinned, his dark eyes teasing.
“A small, crazy midget with weird hair and endless energy. Yup, that’s our Frank.” Frank glared, his cheeks turning a bright shade of red.
“I’m not small, I’m-!”
“Fun sized.” Gerard said, walking back in and grinning. “We know, Frank.”
We laughed, Gerard ducking as Frank chucked a pillow at him.
“Shut up!”
We all laughed and joked for the rest of the afternoon, the guys even getting me to play another song, complaining ‘You didn’t even finish the 1st one!’
By the time we’d left Bob’s house, the California sky was turning gold and orange and amber with streaks of dark pink and crimson. I waved goodbye to Frank B. and his father, happy I’d have at least one friend when I got to the school.
We didn’t talk much on the way home, all of us tired from all the rough housing and pranks. I sat with my legs out over Mikey and Frank’s laps, my head resting on Ray’s shoulder, my eyes drooping every few minutes. Gerard sat across from me, leaning against the window, his hair a blood red in the dying sunlight.
“Hey guys?” I asked quietly, wrapping my arm under Ray’s and smiling sleepily, rubbing my cheek against his soft leather jacket.
“Yeah?” Frank replied, stretching a little, his eyes closed.
“When you leave…will you answer my emails when I send them to you?” I asked, looking at them. I was planning on writing them every day, planning on ranting about school and homework and how
I’m probably gonna fail Math.
“Course we will.” Gerard replied, giving me a tired smile. “Every time you write us, a different one of us will reply. And we’ll send you pictures and I’ll tell you about all the injuries Frank gives us.”
I chuckled, hugging Ray’s arm.
“Promise?”
“Yup. No matter where we are.” Mikey added, pushing his blond bangs out of his eyes, giving me a smile.
I blinked in approval, enjoying the warm sun on my face, the steady breathing of my fathers, and the gentle massaging rhythm of the car as it speed down the highway. An old melody popped into my head, and with it, came a lullaby.
“Sleep…Sleep my angels sleep…Close your innocent eyes and count the sheep…When you wake, I’ll be here, waiting with my arms wide open…If, little angel, you never wake, then God’s hand you’ll take…Sleep darling angel, sleep…”
The lullaby was what my mother used to sing to me and Banditta when we were babies, trying to calm us down after Daddy had had a drunken fit and was screaming at Momma.
I pushed away old memories, humming the last of the lullaby as they relaxed, slipping into sleep. I giggled quietly, stretching over and kissing Mikey and Frank’s heads, before lying back on Ray’s arm and drifting off to sleep, seeing Gerard’s eyes flicker in a dream before I did.
**~~~~~~~~~~~**~~~~~~~~~~~LWMCR~~~~~~~~~~~**~~~~~~~~~~~**
“Look Alive Sunshine. 109 in the sky but the pigs won’t quit-“
I blinked my eyes open, looking up at the alarm clock as it flashed ‘5:00’. I sighed, sitting up and casting a look at the My Chem calendar on the wall. Today, the 12TH , was circled, and written in Gerard’s messy hand writing, was ‘Day we leave’, a sad face drawn beside it.
I looked away, feeling the aching well up in my chest. I let out a shuddering breath, swung my legs off the bed, reached down and shook Ray’s shoulder.
He rolled over, looking up at me. None of us had slept last night, we’d talked a while before we just lay in the suffocating silence, listening to each other’s breathing and hearing the clock tick. Tick away our last night together.
“Is it time?” he asked quietly, even though he knew the answer already. I nodded, not meeting his dark eyes. He sighed, sitting up and reaching over and shaking Frank, Mikey and Gerard, who all were pretending to be asleep too.
“Come on, guys.” They all sat up, one at a time, all looking down. I stood up, hugging myself tightly as they all got up. Gerard had black bags under his eyes, his crimson hair was hanging in his face in long strands. Frank sighed, giving me a small smile. Mikey had on his poker face, and I knew he was hiding his feelings from me.
We stood in silence, not wanting to say anything. I sighed deeply, looking at them in each turn, and I forced a smile onto my face.
“Well, we’d better get downstairs, huh?” my voice was soft, not the faux happy sound I was going for.
They nodded, and I followed them out of the door, downstairs into the living room where all their bags sat waiting. Without glancing at them, we filed into the kitchen like lost souls, empty and silent and sad.
I started the coffee machine, and put some bread in the toaster, as the guys sat at the table. They didn’t have to leave till 5:30, but they needed to get dressed and eat.
I stood by the coffee machine, until I couldn’t take the silence.
“Damn it!!” I hit the counter with my hands, bowing my head. The guys gasped, and I heard someone get up, and put their hand on my back.
“Becki?” It was Ray. “You okay?”
I just shook my head.
“No. No I’m not okay.” I breathed, clenching the tile with my nails. “I feel like I’m sending you guys off to war or something…” I turned and looked at them, my throat aching from all the suppressed tears.
I brushed Ray’s hand away, hugging my arms.
I’m not going to cry…I’m not crying… I told myself. I’m not going to cry until they’re gone at least! I turned away from them.
“But…But I’ll be okay.” I chocked, biting my lip. “I…I just need time.”
Damn it Becki! I cursed myself as tears leaked down my face. Damn it, I said don’t cry!!
“Becki…” I heard Gerard say quietly from behind me. “Baby girl, remember what I said?”
He put his hand on my shoulder, but I shrugged it off.
“Please Gee…Don’t.” I whispered. “I don’t want to cry…”
He turned me around gently. His eyes were soft, and he was looking at me with a look I didn’t recognize.
“But if you don’t…” his lips became the tiniest smile, “you’ll explode into a million Becki pieces, then Frankie will have to sew you back together again.”
I choked out a laugh, looking at him.
“You’re crazy…” I hesitated a second before I hugged him tightly, squeezing my eyes shut as I just let the tears fall. “But that’s why I love you…”
He chuckled, wrapping his arms around me.
“I know…”
“Hey…” I looked over at Frank and Mikey and Ray, who just kinda stood there, watching us. “What about us?” Frank muttered, “I want a hug too.”
I laughed, holding my arms out for him. He gave me a gentle smile, and the next thing I knew, we were all hugging each other tightly, trying to hold on to our last few moments together.
I focused on each of them, burning Gerard’s coffee and cologne scent into my head, Ray’s soft leathery smell, Frank’s cigarette smoke and chocolate scent and Mikey’s stronger coffee and vanilla smell. I memorized every detail of how they were, down to the smile lines beside Gerard’s eyes and the slight stubble Ray had.
“I’m gonna miss you guys…” I muttered softly, burring my head into Ray’s chest. “A lot…”
“We’re gonna miss you, too, Beck…” Mikey said softly, but I could hear a slight break in his voice. “More than I thought …”
Gerard’ phone started playing ‘We are the Champions’. Their signal it was time. Gerard shut it off, and gave us all a sad look.
“We gotta go…”
I pulled away, wiping my face quickly. They all got their stuff, and were about to head out the door when I said,
“Wait!” I gave them the ‘Hold on’ look and ran up to my room. I dug around in my duffle bag until I found it. I practically flew back downstairs, jumping the last 6 steps, and dashing to them.
“I want you….” I took a deep breath, “to take this with you!”
I held out my charm, the one Grandfather had given me for luck, putting it into Gerard’s hands.
They looked down at it in wonder, their eyes curious.
“What is it..?” Frank asked, peeking over Gerard’s shoulder.
“It’s a Native American good luck charm.” I tiptoed up, kissing Gerard’s forehead. “It’s supposed to bring you luck and protect you.”
I kissed Frank’s head, reached up to kiss Mikey and Ray’s and they all smiled at me.
“Promise me you’ll be careful.” I said, looking up at them all. “Promise?”
“We promise.” Gerard said, putting the charm around his neck. I remembered something, and closed my eyes, saying the same prayer Grandfather had told me, adding at the end.
“May the Great Spirit Watch over you, Qualetaqa.” I looked at Gerard. “Alo.” Mikey. “Howahkan” Ray. “And Ahote.” Frank.
They bowed their head, and with another sad look at me, they grabbed their bags and walked out, all except Gerard, who hesitated.
Before I could tell him anything, he hugged me tightly, whispering quickly.
“Be good at school okay? Do your best. Don’t get into any fights if you can’t help it. Watch out for the strange kids. Make friends, and if you need anything, just tell us.” He kissed my forehead quickly, looking me in the eye. “I love you, baby girl.” He pressed a CD in a bright orange case into my hands, and before I could say anything, he grabbed his bag and ran outside, throwing it into the trunk and jumping into the car beside Frank.
I stood in the doorway, watching them.
“Guys!” I called out, holding the CD to my chest.
They all looked out of the window, their eyes shining. I took a deep breath.
“I love you!! Be careful and don’t let Mikey near any toasters!” I heard them laugh as the car drove away. I watched them drive away, until the car was a speck in the early morning light.
Then it was gone.
I let out a deep shuddering sigh, looking down at the CD after a minute. I walked inside, closing the door behind me. The coffee machine beeped, and I set the CD on the counter and poured myself a cup, drinking it black as I walked upstairs to my room, closing the door and locking it behind me. I set the cup on my dresser, sat on my bed, …and collapsed into tears. I held my face in my hands as I sobbed uncontrollably, my shoulders shaking violently.
“DAMN IT ALL TO FUCKING HELL!!” I screamed into my pillow, hitting it weakly. “DAMN IT!!!”
I kept screaming and crying for I don’t know how long, until I lost my voice and finally ran out of tears.
To be continued.
So, im baaaack! yes, LWMCR is up and running!
Mom got me a new baby, and to celebrate, im challenging you, my fans, to draw the characters! this is Becki, Frank B. and a few new faces that're gonna be showing up soon.
i love you all and im happy to be back!
~<3 B.P.I/ Becki
