Okay, so yesterday, I was on the school bus, and it's a pretty long ride. I always put in my ear buds, sit by myself, and look out the window. I was listening to The Black Parade. I was just listening to the whole album, beginning to end. And I don't know exactly why, but it was just an emotional roller coaster for me. The End, kind of just bummed me out, it made me think of who I am, and what I've done. By the time I got to How I Disappear, I got really angry at myself, I pulled out the pocket knife out of my pocket. I don't know why, but I didn't go anywhere without it, I think because that is the knife I have cut myself with, it has blood stains on it. I just held it in my hands. I felt like crying. And I ended up having one tear come down my face, slow, and barley noticeable. I put the knife back in my pocket, and just held my wrist. I could feel the bumps from scars, and very recent cuts. I don't know why I do it, I know I shouldn't, but I really don't know. No one knows what I'm going through, my parents have no clue. And the only one who has said something to me about my cuts, is my friend, Nicole. She is my exact opposite, and I don't even know how we get along, but we do. She asked what happened twice, and I just told her nothing, and to drop it. I could see her staring, and I'm not sure if she can tell I'm depressed, I almost always am, so she doesn't really know any different. All I have is my ear buds. Back to the topic, by the end of the bus ride, I felt: happiness, hope, suicidal, depressed, confusion, and confliction. I want to die, but I don't, I refuse to kill myself, because I know in my heart that suicide, is fucking bullshit!!! Anyway, I have no one to talk to, and I thought, what the hell, just blog about it!! So, I don't really know the whole point of this blog, but if you were kind enough to read it, I hope you enjoyed it.
