Ugh when can this month be over

KariNicole's picture

Ugh when can this month be over

I just want august to be over already! Its full of money issues all related to paying for college. If i hadn't let myself get depressed last semester and fail classes - and therefore become inelligible for financial aid - then it would've never got this bad. Now i have to compete with thousands of other students for a job so i can help make ends meet so far as paying for college goes - me, the girl who has been trying for several summers now to get a job with no success! Ugh. Damn it i've done nothing but screw everything up like usual. I just want it all to be done and over. Just fast foward to september, give me a job, give me those textbooks i havent bought yet, and while your at it give me a few friends at college. All this stress and guilt and self loathing is getting harder and harder to suppress...plus my best friend and me are fighting now, and like i've said before she is the only one i can talk to. I can't talk to my parents cause last time i tried i got it turned back onto me and blamed for everything and called a selfish little bitch and said that while i hadn't been a burden before i certainly was now. *scoffs* And they expect me to go to them again if i'm feeling badly? Yeah right! Not after they chewed me out for it last time. basically its a 'come to us so we can yell at you and set you straight' sort of a deal. Damn. Anyways, i'm going to go turn on some music, try to suppress everything, and then if i manage to succeed at that text my dad and tell him that we dont have financial aid and he needs to pay the other three thousand that he was supposed to pay yesterday but doesnt seem to realize needed paid because its usually covered by financial aid...damn. *sigh* My parents shoulda just aborted me...i've done them no good in my almost twenty one years of life...just look where i'm at...and no i'm not telling you the full extent of my failures cause then you guys will think badly of me too. Just ignore me...i'll quietly take my leave and go find something to listen to...

Keep running,
~ Kari