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So anyone who knows me that i trust knows that i have issues with anxiety. I myself am only just figuring this out, because in the past year or two i've dealt with depression a lot.. Meaning, i'd never experienced *just* anxiety so it was hard for me to attribute things to the anxiety much less even realize i had it. But im fairly certain i do, and my mom and bestie, neechan, both agree - more importantly neechan, my mom's opinion barely counts cuz she likes to shove words in my mouth or try to solve problems for me without listening to me. ANYWAYS! So this week's been shitty and i already had one self-dubbed anxiety attack earlier this week a day or two ago and lets just say that one didn't end well. Tonight i had another one - they're always provoked, not random, hence why im hesitant to come right out and say i legit have anxiety attacks cuz idk if they r supposed to be provoked...but even if its always caused by soemthing, its always out of proportion and the symptoms match up and my bestie whose sister does have an anxiety disorder says it looks i have one. Anyways as i was starting to say, tonight i had another one, less severe but there none the less and quickly getting worse. The awesome and amazing JC Charles of the band The Relapse Symphony posted on twitter and it made me laugh and it was at that point that i was able to actualy be like waiiiit and apply the stuff i'd read up on earlier. Cause me being me, when i think i have an anxiety disorder and want to know what to do when it happens i flew to google and researched earlier this morning when i was bored. So instead of sitting there and letting it build up again, i got up and did something! which is amazing cause ive never even considered that you can fight off an anxiety attack much less had a clue as what to do. My bathroom has only been needing cleaned for a week now, so i cleaned that finally, vacuumed my room, and made me a brownie! hehe i'm mighty proud of myself for it, too. As much as friends can help, mine tend to be busy. I like the empowering feeling of knowing that next time it happens maybe i can fight it off and not end up doing stupid shit i'm not supposed to talk about on here. And since i have a big paper due tuesday that i havent even started that i just rememebed i have today as well as an exam, it *will* happen again, sooner rather than later i bet. Anyways, i just wanted to share my little victory with you! Now to nag neesan about us all hanging out this weekend...Did i mention how much i love finally having friends to hang out with? Even IF they're almost always busy? Keep running! ~ Kari
