This isn't a fanfic by any means, morelike a public journal/daily-blog type thing for me. Idk how often i'll be updating it, though i'd love to say daily. This is just about me and how i'm handling my chronic issues with depression, cutting, and no self confidence whatsoever. So yeah, experimental daily blog part one here goes!
I cut again last night, high up on the thigh same as last time so i can hide it under my shorts in this horrible texas heat. It actually bled a little for a while, unlike last time. I was suicidal last night, too, but a friend of mine helped me out. I didn't even have to tell her i was depressed, cutting, and suicidal once again for her to know something was wrong and help me out. I guess thats the best part about having a best friend who knows you inside and out, huh? Anyways, a bunch of details short my friend's helped me figure out that a - if not the - major issue with me is my major lack of any confidence in myself whatsoever. I don't beleive i can do something or get past something so i dont try because i think it'll fail and i'll end up hurt again and so as i said i just dont try. I've learned that i need to find out how to develop some confidence in myself. I guess that all starts with some perspective and lifestyle changes - the first of which will be not spending near as much time on this computer! I need to get up and do more things, like reading real books instead of just fanfics. I've been reading the help, cause someone recommended it to me, and its pretty good. (book recommendations are welcome!).
Anyways, ive once again vowed to not cut, lets see if i can stick to that vow. I really need to stick to that vow somehow. My friend doesn't know i started cutting again, and i dont wanna tell her cause it was our big fight that made me start again. Anyways, im talking to her again now over im, and keeping up a serious blog and casually talking to her is impossible so im gonna end this here. If anyone has some advice to lend, or encouragement, i'd love to hear it. Heck if you *read* this i'd love to hear it!
Keep runnning!
~ Kari
