I. Hate. People

jpaigeh's picture

I. Hate. People

I really hate people right now, yep, thats typically me, sitting at my computer hating life. But I just keep thinking of how restrained I am to express my feelings. I want to go goth, yes I know it's a weird thing to say, but my mom says that if I go goth, I'll end up at my dad's. HE"S A FUCKING DRUG ADDICT!!!!!!!!!!!! My mom would rather send me to live in a dangerous drug environment than ruin her "Oh look at me, my kids are normal and successful" image????? What a bitch. And I hate my home ec teacher. She's a fucking idiot. She spelled my name wrong, my first name. It's spelled J-O-R-D-A-N not J-O-R-D-O-N!!!!!!!! (extra emphases on the O) She expects me to respect her when she can't even respect me enough to spell my name right? And we have 28 kids in our class, and we were talkiing about groups and she said " I would like to have groups of 4 but there's not an even number so..." Ummmm, last time I checked 4x7 is 28 so... Plus she makes us stand when we talk. Another Bitch. And everyone who reads my blog knows that I can't have a blog without a Kevin reference. He doesn't talk to me much like he did last week. I fucking screwed it up. He texted me after I though I screwed up the first time. But, me being me, I screwed up again. We were in conversation and I asked "Whatcha up 2?" and he never responded. I'm not talking texting at 11:30 at night, I sent this to him at like, 12:00 noon on a Sunday!!!!!! And now I feel all invasive and like an idiot. But in conclusion, I saw a psychic in New Orleans and she told my mom that I should be able to express myself and go goth if I wanted to. But since she won't listen to her, I'll make her regret it. Does that sound harsh? Oh well, maybe I'll just make her regret it by moving away from her and never talking to her again. I have the responsibility of taking care of her when she's old, but maybe she can just enroll in a nursing home. When I used to cut myself, I had to hide it because she always used the "send you to your father's" threat. I couldn't even talk about the deep pain I had that caused me to cut. Does my regret plan still sound harsh? I still feel like cutting but I can't because my friend noticed and I was so scared to death that she would tell her mom who would tell my mom, I force myself not to cut.