I'm having a tough time right now.
Evan's not on, so I can't talk to him.
Jasmine's not responding, and I prefer not to talk with her.
My boyfriend's asleep, and I don't feel like calling.
The only thing I was able to calm myself down with was watching LOTMS, writing the first chapter of a fanfic, and thinking.
I've stopped the fucking crying, it gets on my nerves.
I get very poor mood swings, it's the shitty part about growing up, I suppose.
My dad and I talked for the longest time today.
I love talking to him.
I see him as my personal living 'God,' or whatever you want to call someone you desperately look up too, and always feel better after talking with.
I don't have a religion, and I don't look up to anything that's not even here.
Sorry, but it's me.
Call me atheist, but I never believed in a god.
Off of religion now, I was going on about how I love my dad.
He's the best person I know.
Secretly he's taught me to be strong and stop being the overly-dramatic emotional person I was; he pushed me to bring the best out of myself talent-wise; and makes me feel so much better than those shitty, popular girls in school.
I'm the smart one of the family, just like he is in his family.
We click.
So, after Dad and I finished talking, my shithead sister comes outside and ruins the moment.
Mom's inside belly-laughing over something my uncle said, and the bond was lost yet again as the other females of the household fucking interrupt.
They get on my nerves.
Sometimes I wish it was just my Dad and I, but then again, Moms are always useful at times.
And then I felt emotional again for some reason. A sort of, sick-to-your-stomach depressed feeling.
I want a hug. Really bad.
But I'm too out of it to go downstairs and hug someone.
I feel a bit better letting out in a blog post,
just the thought of getting a meaningful reply cheers me up.
I love you all,
Jane
