Wow, its been a little while since I've written a blog, hasn't it :/ If you didn't already know, Conventional Weapons is officially all out, and if you haven't heard the new songs, DO IT FUCKING GO!!! I think the sound of Burn Bright is fantastic and it must be one of the best on the entire album. I love love love the lyrics of it, with a deep burning passion. Its pretty much exactly how I feel right now with my depression and issues and stuff. Plus, I mean, burn is in the title, and we all know how I am around the whole "flame" thing. But Surrender the Night, the words itself are also pretty relatable for me. It has an awesome sound, and if I could, I'd listen to it every night and think "yup...just yup". Fighting something that you might as well give up on, and the line itself, "Every secret that I keep, you can fight this all you want, but tonight belongs to me." I honestly don't think anything belongs to me, ESPECIALLY the night. I hallucinate a girl, and I have terrors every night, and frankly, I can't stand it :/
Last night for example, I got a little more than an hour of sleep. Last night was one of the worst I've had in a while, I stayed up watching Skins until midnight, which might I add, I bursted into tears three times for, in just the last 4 episodes I watched. Taking up about 3 hours whoooops :p And then for about half an hour, I sat on my floor, emotionless, just sort of thinking the night away. Something snapped in me though, and I cried myself to sleep (by this time though it was nearly pointless, thus it was about 2 in the morning). And of course, I had a nightmare. This one was different though. The blood didn't just sort of... drain out of me. It was spilling, splashing, and splattering everywhere. There was screaming, crying, there was pleading, and of course, there was fire. But something different, I was killed yes, but so was he. I'm not sure how it happened, but he was killing me, and then somehow, when I was nearly dead, I laid there in pain and someone else killed him. Just as violently as he killed me. I might have been dead already, and then just watching him because fuck I guess that's possible in dreams, but I didn't get a good look at who his killer was. I was still on the ground, but I tried to pull him away from the killer, and so the killer tried to kill me as well.... or re-kill me... I'm not sure. It was a girl, I know that. Our eyes were both filled with blood and it just.. went everywhere. Grossest part definitely was when my blood went on him and his went on me. Our bodies were burned. I guess for some sick reason, bodies being burned in my dreams is like... a normal
I woke up, on my floor, cold sweat, hyperventilating. And my face burns. It literally burns, its all red and puffy. I stayed up the hours after that until I had to get ready, and then when I got here, I could barely talk or look at my friends. Just because I'm pathetic and sad like that. And now I just found out I have reconciliation today. Fuck.
Anyways, I've been feeling awful lately, and hearing the new (and last) CW songs made me feel a whole lot better. Except now I don't have anything awesome to be looking forward to :p maybe that's a good reason why I should get concert tickets. Something to anticipate. Except, of course, my dad doesn't approve of MCR.... like at all. Its actually sort of awful. He yelled at my sister for liking them (liking, by the way, for her, is now an understatement. She reads fan-fiction and has watched over 50 interviews. Thats more than me. My Chem is just that lovable, huh)
School sucks right now and I want to sleep. But I can't. So I guess I'll just play Surrender The Night and Burn Bright some more.... yay
