So first of all, I've narrowed it down to four killjoy names and I can't decide between them. Panic System. Siren Society. Nightmare Demolition. Sleeping Insanity. They all have to do with me and they all say something about me, but I just can't figure it out because I want it all to be perfect. And I know that I'm always going to be part of this MCRmy, I just love them all too much to leave. Some of their songs have really helped me get through harsh times, like Sleep when I wake up screaming at night and can't get one decent nights rest, haven't for months. Or S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W being the song I first kissed Mimi to again in 9th grade. I'm Not Okay, the song I blasted in my ears after I got into sexual mistakes with my ex or sexual harassment with... well...several guys I guess. What is it... 5 now? 6 maybe? Sure only two used me physically but... anyways. The Kids From Yesterday saved my best friend, sister, and whatever you want to call it, "ex" girlfriend, like Fix You (Coldplay) saved mine. Cancer, the song I heard during my family's sickness problems, or The End, the song I hear on my phone every ten days, sending me thoughts of comfort and relief. The World Is Ugly on my worst days and The Light Behind Your Eyes when I feel depressed. Teenagers to basically send a mental Fuck You All to my school, and Planetary GO when I just need some Gerard :p My Chemical Romance has been there in my ears since the first season of Glee Project, then not for a while at all, and then back to me in 8th grade, there for my depression and stupidity. Welcome to the Black Parade actually. A bunch of my friends love them and need their music, probably more than they need me or need...idk... chicken or something. I know that many killjoys, bats, marchers, junior revengers, and anyone of the MCRmy will agree with me that they are a part of us. We hang up their posters, we collect their CDs, we stalk their twitters or we ramble on our blogs, much like I'm doing, and we aren't afraid to be ourselves with their music. Gerard and Frank gave me support in being bisexual. Gerard gave me hope in my addictions, and their stories just gave me a relation. I know I'm not the most fantastic killjoy ever, I watch a fuckton of YouTube videos about them, and I have a CD or two, I vent on here like there's no tomorrow, and I can make harmonies to just about every last song of theirs, but if they ever broke up, yes, it would hurt. Kill.
I would always love them no matter what. I was never one of those girls that just flat out loved them for their hotness or for their adorableness (those yes, they are definitely both), I obsess over them because they are real people, with stories to tell and people to save, like me, like her, like you, like hobos with hula-hoops and unicorns everywhere. And saving people is no easy peasy pumpkin peasy pumpkin pie motherfuckers moment. Its hard, I do it often, but its no easy task. Yet they do it, and I love them for that. But with saving lives comes living their own, and if they ever did break up, I respect that. I wouldn't ever stop loving them and I know that I will be a killjoy until my heart explodes. Because they are the human wreckage that I love. Because if I'm so wrong, they listen all night long. Because I don't feel bad about it. Because we'll never let you go. Because the hardest part of this is leaving you. Because the only hope for me is you alone. Because without you is how I disappear. Because we are the kids from yesterday and you only live forever in the lights we make. Because the world is ugly and they obviously wanted us to know that we are beautiful to them, and because we will never let them take the light behind our eyes. All because we fell in love with Gerard, Frankie, Ray, Mikey, and Bob (for the time being). And whether we're at Hotel Bella Muerte, all the way down in Battery City, raising our filthy palms, or we're cleaning up on desolation row, we will remain ourselves. and we will sing it for the boys, the girls, and for this world.
I hope with all my heart that they don't break up, and yes rumors suck, and I'm bad at keeping up on them, so if this is all super late and they aren't breaking up okay, but if the rumors still stand, they have changed me and I will love them either way, but I will respect what they choose. Frank has 3 kids, Gerard 1, and they have families. So whatever happens in the end, I shall love them <3
sorry about my long rant, it didn't hit me until now the emotion behind these rumors. I was sort of numb all day today, just from life. And now its just like.... need to cry need to cry need to cry....don't cry don't cry don't cry...
fuck.
