Hi ya'll. This blog really isn't going to have a point, I just thought I'd share how my weekend has been going :p So for starters, Friday I had reconciliation, and I bawled my eyes out. It felt really good to cry, and I asked my priest several times if I was really forgiven because I didn't feel anything different. He said I was, so I'll assume he's right. Friday night I had a game, and I dressed insanely gothic. I'm probably trying to look like Effy off of skins, because she and I have just...too much in common its interesting. If anyone has seen this show, its amazing, and it really hit me in emotional places that I didn't know a show could do. Anyways, I played at the game, and then for the next 2 hours, I messed around with my friend Katie (whom I slept over with last night with Kate and Zoe, watching tons of horror movies and frankly just being...okay), and then other times I was with Luke, Cody, and I think Nate is his name. Frankly, I don't know how, but being with those guys just felt really..okay. Now on to Saturday.
Saturday, I watched (seriously, no joke) 5 horror movies. Paranormal Activity 3 was first, and it was creepy as fuck, not to mention there was a female named Julee on there, with long black hair and she resembled my Julee quite a lot. But the movie barely scared me at all. Next, we watched bits and pieces of Seed Of Chucky (yes, the really shitty one about the creepy killer doll...) and it sort of sucked. Then The Hunger, which basically, these adults are trapped in this cave with nothing but themselves and idk its just creepy shit.
The next one really was sort of... interesting to watch. The Final. It was sort of stupid and stereotypical to teenagers, but it was disgusting. The plot of it is basically these 5 outcasts who are bullied by these popular girls and guys host a fake party where they drug everyone, and when they all wake up they're being held against their will, tortured, and some of them are killed. its horrible, but the worst part of it, they made a jock cut the fingers off of his popular bitch girlfriend with a wrench. One by one. In front of everyone. They both were just sobbing, because they did love eachother and everything. But it was just terrible.
I know that I'm an outcast at my school, and my reputation hasn't gotten anywhere good whatsoever, I've been called a whore, a slut, a freak, a bitch, and an alien. And ugly. And fat. Those are about it. Just Friday even, I was sitting at lunch and there were these really pathetic guys picking on us and I couldn't hold it in, I screamed at them "FUCK OFF" and then a few minutes later, "SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU CUNTS" and then I basically flipped them off. Later when I went to Mcdonalds there were more guys there, one who a couple years ago almost made me end myself, and I basically said "You assholes are all fucking rotting in hell" (I said that while my mom was buying me ice-cream that I didn't deserve) and then they sort of laughed for a while and they kept looking at me and so I looked at them and kept eating my ice-cream like the bitch I can be...and they mouthed things at me and so I'd say out loud back "I don't care" and flip them off...but I felt like shit because...I said I didn't care. But I do. I seriously care. It hurts.
So watching that horror about popular assholes and bitches getting what's coming to them made me feel a little better... in a really morbid way. And then we watched Paranormal Activity 2. Which frankly wasn't as good. I mean, number 3 had a spin on the "Sheet Ghost" classic Halloween icon, as well as a cult, and idk it was just creepy. The whole time, might I add, I was texting my friend Jack, and now all three girls that I was with have bet 10 bucks each that he is going to ask me out eventually. Right now I'm confused on where I'm at on the whole relationship scale. On Friday my friend basically made Mimi and I admit to eachother and to her that we are something. But neither or us know what. I'm not sure what she thinks of me anymore, frankly I don't, and I know what I think of her but I know what I think about others as well. And that's confusing shit.
Anyways, last night though, was the first night I had a dream that wasn't a nightmare. Of course, I did have a nightmare last night, how could I not after so much gore, but then after I woke up and walked around my friend's house for a while, I had an actual, non-scarring dream. And it wasn't bad. But it really didn't help my confusion.... like at all.
This blog has been really pointless shit. I have yet to find a horror movie that scares me. I managed an actual dream last night along with a fucked up nightmare, and this dream confused me on what I'm supposed to think about people right now. I'm really fed up with the assholes and bitches I've had to deal with for so long, and now my bitch side is starting to show, and I'm not sure what to think about it. I highly enjoy looking like Effy, ummm reconciliation is awful on my emotions, and for some reason, gore is starting to become just.... part of me. I don't know if that's good or bad....
