So.... okay so.... GAH WER#@RDGUI#W%$YE^TY*UOITUR! So tomorrow I have a show choir performance. In a coral-pink bedazzled dress (oh fuck), in ugly black heels (oh...double fuck), and I have a solo. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUck. My stage fright isn't that bad anymore really, but I've never had a solo this important before. And I'm starting to panic because today a boy in our show choir (he does have a mental disability, but still) came up to me and reminded me to sing on pitch and to not mess up and if I do then the crowd will start boo-ing. I do like this guy, he's super funny and all but, god it scared me a little. I wouldn't be so scared now, but I missed the bus because I had to go try on shoes and thus I missed the bus thus having to walk through the halls thus running into him. Anyways. My shoes don't fit. My dress is fitting weird. I'm going to fall flat on my face I just know it. And I have to sing in front of tons of people the next couple of days. GOD shoot meeEEE! So I was sitting out in the hall, and the one guy who decided to come sit by me, Matthew. Okay fine whatever. And he actually did make me feel a ton better. He tackled me twice just to see my phone and he rambled on about some show he really likes... I have no room to talk. I'm officially obsessed with Skins, a British show with a gay guy and an anorexic somewhat-bitch and tons of drama. But his show was like.... people named after states all in some base and they were having drama and bad-ass fighting and I just got lost.... anyways. Somewhere in this conversation we ended up having for two hours, he calmed me down about it.
And then I got home.... and my little good-luck-calm-downer-rock is gone. It has seriously helped me for the past year or so, and I feel like panicking because I always have it and now...... its just.... GAH!
SO NOW I'm ready to throw up of nerves and of stupidity and all I can think about is messing up and Matthew and drama and falling flat on my face tomorrow.
anyways... this weekend is going to be hard on my emotions... I can guarantee that.
.......
OL&I*K%T&UKTYURB% FER%^VIE%UKNui@#$EYJNpMOUIOY&UVYRYTHVRYRYVUIU&CTUJ!
