I need a title for this.... fuuuuuuuuck. Well, okay back up to yesterday. Last night I went to the pasta dinner. Sorry, my little sister's show choir performance. And my dad gets a call from my aunt... crying. I was just sort of drinking my 3rd cup of coffee, and he hands me the phone.
Me: "Hi?"
Sarah: "Hi Tay."
Me: "...you okay?"
Sarah: "Yeah... yeah I'm good..."
Me: "Sarah..."
Sarah: "So its being born early. The doctors don't trust it this time."
Me: ...."Don't trust what?"
Sarah: "They think its gonna die too...."
-long pause......-
Sarah: "Where are you guys?"
Me: "Megan's performance thingy."
Sarah: "....they good?"
Me: "Come down and see them sometime. You could see me! And I'd sing my fail solo for you!"
Sarah: "I saw it on Facebook sweetie, you're full of shit. Beans. Um. Something."
Me: "Well still..."
Sarah: "You're an awesome kid, Tay. The baby'll like you. If it survives I mean...."
Me: When will I get to meet it. Because they will live. They'll live to see they're mommy."
Sarah: "Tuesday... your uncle's birthday. I sort of got to pick that, gets the whole birthday present out of the way, don't it?"
Me: "Yeah, maybe a little" *we both laugh*
Sarah: "....think you can sleep tonight for me?"
Me: "They told you too?"
Sarah: "Yeah, we keep tabs on family you know. I just called to tell you guys...."
Me: "We miss you guys..."
Sarah: "Julianna misses you, god, when we left she would say Taywer Taywer just... all the time."
Me: "awwwwwww! how's she doing?"
Sarah: "....she's better. She's doing better."
Me: *pause* ...."I'll be praying for you. I have to go, Megan's coming on, and I still have to get more coffee while their....director talks."
Sarah: "Your dad says she's a real pancake. just doesn't shut up."
Me: "No kidding."
Sarah: "You guys are funny....well...we love ya guys. We'll keep you posted."
Me: "Bye"
Sarah: "Bye...."
*clicks off*
I honestly felt like shit, so I got more coffee, and tried to not cry while they were dancing. It was a great show, not gonna lie, but I was down for hours. I actually stayed up until past midnight, with permission from my parents, watching The Seventh Sign. The girl in this movie is pregnant, and she dies for her baby to save all of humanity from God's wrath. I listened to an Adam Lambert song called Time for Miracles, and I started crying again. I wanted to draw, like I said I would for mimi, but nothing came to my hands. And then the nightmare.... oh fucking great. Hospital metal table like a surgery gurney. White gown. I am actually seeing it in first person, not like I'm seeing myself. And the room was all dark except for one spotlight on me. Cut up arms barred to the table. And a black figure, with glowing eyes in the corner of the room. and a match. God, I don't get the matches. Anyways, the figure comes up to me and it turns out to be my friend. He takes a needle from a table, burns the tip in the fire to sterilize it, sticks it in my neck, I scream, and then he puts the match on my body. I light up in flames, the alarms sound, and he vanishes into the darkness as the lights flick on and the alarms glow red everywhere.
It sucked. I woke up crying at exactly 3:37, only getting less than 2 hours of actual sleep. And now I'm here in school, hours later, no coffee, no self esteem to do any sort of work, not hungry yet sooo fucking hungry, ugh. So tired. Cannot take this anymore. I need to figure my shit out.
blah blah blah blah blah blah.
You know what... I need to start making these about My Chemical Romance.
.....my favorite album is Danger Days followed by Black Parade. there :p
and I think I'm going to tittle this with something from Blood... I shalt listen to that now :p
