I don't know if I can cope.

iamnolongerafraid's picture

I don't know if I can cope.

Long story... but to make it short, my girlfriend has been getting depressed and suicidal and she went to foundations (mental hospital) for god knows how long... and our one year anniversary is on march third, so she'll be spending it surrounded by patients, and I'll be spending it bawling my eyes out... I haven't hurt myself yet... I'm really trying to hold my promises to her: Don't hurt myself. Stay strong. Do schoolwork. Only love her (Though that's a promise I could never break. Ever)
And she could be gone as long as June...
It's only been two days, but I haven't see her in four.
To my calculations, I've cried 122 minutes in two days over her.
I miss her so much... I need her, god dammit.
I'm just glad she'll be better...
and my birthday is April 2, and I fear she'll spend my birthday in the hospital and I'll keep crying.
I've been listening to Going Away to College by Blink 182 for the entire day... sometimes switching to Adam's Song.
I cry like shit, man.
And it feels like weeks have passed.
Goddamit, I might cry again just thinking about it.
And I have to go to school tomorrow, and I considered throwing up to get myself out of it. I quickly dismissed that thought.
I feel really stupid.
I just gotta wait...

"I haven't been this scared... in a long time, and I feel so unprepared..."

~FatalThreat