Whaddup #7

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Whaddup #7

I feel like I'm screwing up so badly with Elliott. I know I annoy him. I'm just sucky at this. I don't want him to break up with me but I can feel that I'm pushing him away. I'm paranoid, I worry too much, I freak out over jokes and simple things normal people shouldn't, and I apologize way to much. I wish I could just be someone else. Someone normal. Someone who wasn't as fucked up and could actually take a joke. I hate being me some days, y'know that? I put on a smile for the outside world while inside I'm DYING and I can't even help myself! I don't know how I'm supposed to know how to comfort my friends when I can't even help myself...I'm pathetic.

If he or any of my friends ever found this blog, I'd want to die. This is the only place I can let lose and try and work through my problems by writing them out. I hope to god I never get stupid enough to show someone this in a time of weakness. I do that sometimes. I'll spill secrets about myself when I'm feeling down even though it causes major problems. I feel so stupid and out of control. I can't even control my own damn mouth and it makes me feel so pathetic and worthless.