i open with this...ive been looking at pictures. why are all the girls so pretty that are crying. why do you have to be pretty to cry?!? why cant you be ugly and cry. why is all the girls crying because of love? some of us arent so lucky to even be able to cry about love. no. we cry about depression, hurtfulness, and just plain because we arent loved.
hello, im here to reach out to my killjoys who are feeling hurt and depressed. so they dont feel alone. i dont care what age or how fucking ugly you are, your beautiful to me. when your in your darkest hour with a knife in your hands..im here. this is my blog to you. for you to read. im hoping to connect to you. maybe you can read this and understand and relize, ur not alone. ur not as weird and lonley as you thought you were. so i hope you find this like a book, a book that is your thoughts, that you have been wanting someone to write..
depression. its not something you can treat with pills. its not something that a friend saying "im so sorry" can fix. maybe you dont even have a friend there to say that. you find your salvation with hiding yourself away, self harming and staring at what you just did, for a longer time than you thought you would. and then..you start to feel the burns. and it starts to bleed. but secretly..your happy its bleeding, your happy its bad. and you keep on looking at it over and over. your lying in bed smiling while crying from the pain listening to your ipod. and now and then you lift up your ipod light to your arm so you can see the cuts again..you stare..and stare..till the light dims on your ipod..then you go back to lying there. satisfied with your cuts....
but the next morning you wake up. turn over and jerk because a sharp pain, almost like a bad bruise came from your wrists..then you remember..you cut last night. you freak out regreting what you did. hoping that no one will see. and your paraniod they will. but suprisingly..no one does. and by the end of the way, you almost hope someone would. so they would know you were in pain..so they could see what you worked so hard on last night. but you still keep your sleeves down.
your worried about dinner. what if my mom or dad asks me to pull up my sleeves for dinner...then what. but they dont see. and you go 2 bed staring at them again. and wondering why..oh why did you do it.
because your addicted
and you didnt even know it.
PART 2 will be coming soon. i hope you could relate to this. message me if you wanna talk(:
