The Death of a Beautiful Man (finished!!) *PLEASE READ*

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The Death of a Beautiful Man (finished!!) *PLEASE READ*

Nothing is all i can here. Damn it there's got to be something! Come on! The sadness inside of me turned to anger almost as there was no response.
"Mikey! is he okay! come on!" i shrieked feeling bad for yelling at a man you just had such a horrific thing happen to the person he loves the most. But i was shaking with fear and holding back tears.
"Uh...we don't know yet. He hasn't.." Mikey was holding back tears as well. "He hasn't woken up yet. But he's breathing."
You could hear the strain in his voice as he spoke. Like he had just finished having a crying episode of his own. I sighed and put down the phone as I rubbed my hand down my face. I put the phone back up to my ear and had a knot in my throat as i asked this question.
"What's he bad...what does he look like?" i almost couldn't ask. There was a pause with Mikey's response then a deep sigh.
"Broken." There was a quiver in his voice as he said this.
"Oh God, what hospital is he at!" As he told me i was already in my car swearing and still just barley holding back the tears that were having a war against the back of my eye lids. I was speeding, really speeding. The image of a beautiful man that i loved most in the world smiling and doing what he loves most, preforming on stage, swirled in my head. This is how i wanted to see i wanted to remember him, if i did not make it on time.
It was the longest car ride of my life. I parked my car right out front with a screeching halt as all the people in front of the hospital stared at me. I could really care less as my mind was on the crumpled man lying within that hospital. I stormed into the front doors almost breaking them as my shoulders hit the sides from not opening fast enough.
In the front lobby i saw Bob and Ray. Ray had his hands buried in his tangled hair staring at the floor muttering to himself "No..No..No." I put my hand on his shoulder. he jolted and look up. I had never seen Ray Toro cry a day in my life, but on this day, his face was red, his eyes were puffy, and his pupils were glistening with hard tears.
I looked over at Bob, but he would not take his eyes off the ground.
"What room is he in!" before anyone could answer a familiar voice came from around the corner. I bolted around the wall. There was Mikey Way..glasses cracked, tears streaming down his face, heart broken.
"Oh god, please" his voice was barley making its was out as I walked over to him fear of what i might find. I put a hand on the bass players shoulder and looked into the room that he was standing to the side of.
There. There is when every wall i had built up for my tears was broken. and a flood came flowing down my warm face. As I walked closer my heart was torn more and more by what i could see. The tears were making my vision blurry.
There was a broken man who i loved. lip busted in 3 places, eyes closed and black. A deep cut newly stitched running down the whole side of his face. His whole body was in a cast. And he was hooked up to every fucking tube and monitor you could think of. His newly cut, jet black hair was in a mess and still had glass tangled in it.
I fell to my knee's...just as broken on the inside as he was on the out side. I felt so weak. Every bone in my body was now gone and i was left with nothing but a shattered heart and a broken soul.
I could barley make out a sound as I put my hand up in the beautiful mans chest and ran my fingers through his messy, burnt hair.
" gotta look at me man. I have to know that you can hear me."
"Come on you cant just leave like this. Please Gerard open your eyes!"
"For fucks sake man open your damn eyes!"
My head collapsed on his chest and i began to sob. Then, i heard a small giggle then a broken up voice say.
"You know it's not very polite to cuss at a man who just got hit by a bus."
All air i had in my lungs escaped and my heart jolted. I knew that voice, all to well. I lifted my head. And smiled broken heartedly.
"Yeah, but it sure is Jersey!" We both laughed and i grabbed Gerard's hair and pressed my lips hard against his bruised for head. Still not letting go i whispered.
"You basterd." He laughed again, but this time it broke into a cough. I leaned back and said "Whoa whoa take it easy."
He finished up coughing and looked at me curiously. "Are you crying?"
I was puzzled by this question. Here he was laying in this hospital bed, broken and cut up, and he is suprised that i would be crying.
"Well hell yeah i was. I thought you were dead." I was talking calmly for I was still torn apart by the sight of his beat up body. Gerard just looked down with an akward smile on his face. Staring down at his body and waiting for his emotions to pass before he spoke.
"You really shouldn't make me laugh." he paused and giggled a little. "It hurts."
I swallowed hard trying to keep back from crying again. His voice was weak and despite his since of humor, i could tell he was holding back pain.
"Mr. Iero." I looked at the door. A young smiling nurse was leaning with her hands on the door as another nurse was coming in with more medicine and pain killers for Gerard. "May i see you out in the hallway?" The fact that she could talk to me with Gerard around around was a bad sign. and i clenched my fists as i got up from the side of the bed taking my hand off of the broken mans chest. I walked out of the room and the nurse led me to the side of the division. Mikey and the rest were there to. Bob still not saying a word just looking at the ground with watery eye's. Ray was crying harder than last time, clenching his eyes shut, cradeling a hysterical Mikey in his arms. I knew this was going to be bad.
"Um...I don't know hot to tell you this Mr.Iero, but I have some bad new's." she said trying hard to look me in the eye's but struggeling as she saw the pain in them. "When your friend was hit by the bus, it didn't do anything to the bones that we couldn't fix. And we stitched up all his gashes." I looked at her confused.
"Okay, then that's good. That mean's that he going to be alright."
She looked down then back up at me with a sad, sorry look on her face. "Well, the bus did some internal damage-" I cut her off.
"Internal damage?! What do you mean like something bad, is he going to be okay?!?!" I couldn't help but scream. I was shaking with fear and anger.
"I'm afraid, Mr.Iero, that one of your friends main organs were hit and fataly injured. It was opened and as leaked inside his intestines." she paused. "I'm sorry sir, but your friend doesn't have long to live. My heart dropped...well what am i talking about, it shattered and disapeared. The words "Your friend doesn't have long to live" echoed in my head. At first it didn't register. I was just in shock. Then, it sunk in.
"God no!" I burst out in tears and screamed as i punched the wall next to me and went collapsing to the ground. I just buried my face into the ground, and pounded the floor screaming. "No, no, no, bullshit! He's not going anywhere. No! Please no!" I felt a hand on my back.
"Mr.Iero I'm so sorry I know how hard this must be for-" i cut her off once again. And held her by the collar. "You don't know shit! You have no idea what it's like to lose someone! You just walk around here in your white dress and watch it happen to people! Why cant you even try to fix him!Just stitch up his organs or what ever the fuck you do and let him live!" The nurse looked horrified as Ray took one hand off Mikey and put it on my shoulder, signaling me to let the nurse go and calm down. I did and leaned against the wall and sunk to the ground crying more.
"Sir, I'm sorry we would but he's already had to much internal bleeding."
I looked up and saw the nurse nod to me and then the rest, apoligized again, and walked away.
Gerard..gone. It couldn't be possible, but it was. The truth was killing me inside. The man I loved so much...was going to be gone. In a place where Gerard had sang about so much. We always wrote song's about death. But i never guessed it would be so soon. I wasn't ready for Gerard to leave. But thought about it. Maybe Gerard was. I remembered his words "It's not dying I'm afraid of, it's living."
My tears got lighter and lighter by the hours until I was ready to go in and face the beloved singer again. I walked around the hallway and into his room and passed Mikey as he was crying, and walking out. Then I looked in and saw Gerard.
He was staring blankly at the wall with slightly watery eye's. He looked almost frozen as i got closer. I took a seat on the bed next to him and peered into his eye's. They were as perfect as they were the night before while they were in Arizona for a ass kicking concert. He was so alive then, but now, barely. I waited there for a few minutes until heard.
"And I thought I was actually going to be able to grow a beard." I snapped my head up confused.
"What?" He looked back at me, not changing his face expression. "I'm dying today...and I never got to grow a beard."
I just stared at him in a daze. The man was just told by his brother that he was dying today. And he still kept his since of humor. I chuckled a little still heart broken, and put on a fake smile.
"I can draw one on you if you like?" We both giggled and looked down. Gerard looked up at me.
"Frank?" I looked up back at him and saw the serious expression on his face. And wet tears came to the top of my eye lids again but not rolling off.
"Yeah" he looked right into my eye's and lightly said.
"Did we save lives?" The tears came running down my face and I looked down trying not to burst out in heart wrenching crying episode. Then sniffed and looked back up at him with a grim yet smiling look on my face.
"Yeah, man" I paused and spoke with a quiver in my voice. "Yeah, we did."
"He smiled weakly and spoke softly. "Good." he looked worse than before, paler than usual by the blood loss. It was hurting me like a pain i didn't even know existed to see him like this. We stayed there, my head resting on his chest. and him with his hand on my head for a long time. Just listening to the silence. I was sulking in the sound of his heart beat while i still could. Why it was still making that peaceful rythem. While his chest still felt warm. Dreading when i would reach over and hear no peaceful rythem, and feel a stone cold body, with nothing but the apperence of the man i once knew. My eye's grew tired. And while laying next to Gerard, i cried myself to sleep.

When i awoke it was dawn. And i looked up and saw Gerard staring out the window. He was just staring, a blank look on face, wait no, a hopeful look on his face. Like he couldn't wait to go back out and feel the fresh air, or maybe trying to soak in the last morning rise he had. He looked even worse than before. And his eye's could barely open. And now, his skin was snow white, and his heart beat was barley keeping its relaxing song going.
"I didn't know a person could cry through his sleep. But you did all night." he croaked quietly. "I'm sorry"
My head shot up from slightly cooler chest. "Don't you dare ever say your sorry Gerard Aurthur Way! I'm sorry. You didn't deserve to get hit by that bus, anyone but you. Hell, I would've taken that bus for you!" i paused and began to hysterically cry and put my head back on his chest. "Oh God Gerard why..please don't go. I love you..please don't leave."
He took his shaky arm and lifted up my head in his direction. "I'm not going anywhere Frankie. And you do enough stupid shit I'm sure I won't have to wait long before you come."
I tried to finish his sentence. "To heaven?"
He put that famous, yet now weak smile on his face. and roughly laughed and coughed. "I was gonna say hell." It fasinated me once again, that in his darkest hour, still keeping it Jersey. I put on another fake smile and giggled sadly.
"Frankie.." Gerard sounded as weak as possible now.
"Mhm." i responded trying to hold back any other tears than the one's that were already on my face. He also had watery eye's now.
"I love you too" he said
I scrunched up my face and began bursting out tears. I sat up and grabbed Gerard by the hair again. And once again kissed him hard on the for head. But this time i didn't stop.
"Then i heard something that i will never forget, with his voice barley working. And near death i heard.
"Haaavee, you heard the new's that your dead" I leaned off his head and looked at him with his eyes nothing but small slits now.
"No one ever had much nice to say, I'm thinking never liked you anyway" i responded back still crying. Then we joined in together as i put my head back on his chest.
"Oh take, me from this hospital bed" You could hear the heart rate monitor as we went on with the song.
"bum bum.......bum bum........bum bum...."
"So tired and oh so squimish, you never fell inlove"
"bum..bum.......bum bum.........bumm.......bummm...
We went on me a wreck in tears, and Gerard with a weak smile and watery eyes. Then i let Gerard take over with singing, for i couldn't do it anymore.
"'t a..joke...then....why...are...we...laughing...."
Then the moment that took my soul, destroyed my heart, and took every last tear from my eye. The singer closed his eyes and out his hands on my back. and quietly spoke in a weak and croaky voice as his chest ran cooler and cooler.
"Cause..the hardest part...of"

That was the most honored, and last preformance, i had ever done with the great Gerard Way.

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