OMG!! i can't believe this is going on like this!ok so for those who don't know i used to live in toronto but now for the last 4 years ive been living in belgrade.now this was my mothers idea and i was very happy because i wanted to get away from there.i was bullied a lot in school so it seemed like an escape route for me. but i didnt realize i was going to miss toronto as a city.so i figured when i moved i would get a new start and i would fit in better in this new school but i didnt.as you may know english and serbian are 2 different languages and so i had trouble speaking correctly and i constantly felt like everyone was making fun of me because of that and so i stopped caring how i treated people and i kept feeling like i was the victim which obviuosly wasnt true due to how i acted.im actually ashamed of some of the things i did but by the the end of grade 9 i woke up one morning and noticed that ive become this monster of a person and that i couldn't recognize who i was anymore.of course i spent a lot of time thinking my life through even though 14 years isnt much compared to someone whos like 24. during that blank period of my life as i like to call it i had the oppurtunity to go to toronto to visit the people i knew my freinds and to see the city istelf again. sadly during that time i didnt do much i mostly sat on my ass all day waitng for my freind to come home from school (since i wasnt going).i only saw 2 of my freinds and went out on those occations in a total of 4 times during 3 fucking weeks of slloughing around when i could have done something useful.don't get me wrong i did go out more that just those 4 times but i sure as hell could've gone out more times and take a walk down pape avenue or go to my old school as much as i may have hated it i do have my share of good memories of the rare times.so two weeks after i came back to belgrade i decided it was time i figured out who the fuck i am. i wasnt even sure of what i liked and what i hated. i spent so much time caring about how people think of me and pretend not to care by telling them there stupid and then after when i started highschool telling them they look good because theyre wearing whats in. i supposed this is a good time to publicly admit ive had my period of time where i was fake. and realizing i had lost my voice entierly because i had no opinion of anything i decided to start with likes and dislikes.
since i was always a big fan of music i decided to listen to music that i listened to before.that made me think of these awsome videos i liked while watching much tv.and the first that came to mind was helena.thats when my my chem obsesion started. and that moment i like to think of my rebirth. my chem led to other bands like panic at the disco of course i always listened to green day but only when i finally started to REALLY pay attention of the music i realized that this was something i cuold relete to in more than one way. i felt like i really do belong some where. like there must be someone like me and someone who could understand and helpme understand me. sadly i cannot say that i have found anyone who satisfies the role quite right. but i still have patience. now the big dillema is that now im starting to grow a big desire to move back to toronto.the problem is its not that easy.and i keep getting this flashbacks. i would sit there in math class and tthen all of a sudden BAM the freakin rom pops up in my head....so its dded an amount of pain...i honestly dont know whatto do.id go back but thats a big decision and im i grade11 so it feels like its stupid to make a new start in the middle of highschool...
