I can't keep doing this. My dad is possessive, and if he can't have me, nobody can. He did this with my mom. I'm not sure why I'm so scared, but it is reasonable. I know how many guns he has. I know he knows people. I know that, if he wanted to, he could kill my mother and I and hide the bodies in his father-in-law's woods. I'm not stupid- I know it's highly possible.
We keep seeing cars driving past our house that are identical to my dad's. They drive up and down the streets and linger by our driveway. Maybe it's in my head, though. Maybe I'm just being paranoid.
Maybe I'm not.
He did try to smuggle me into Australia when I was 4.
His wife legitimately threatened to kill my mom.
I was there when he and my step sister beat the fuck out of my mom and took me away from her.
I've been trained my whole life to think of my mom as the bad guy and worship my dad. They've never cared how it affected me.
I'm fucking screwed in the head now because of them.
I can't think something without wondering if it's my real opinion, or what they taught me to think.
I was sitting in the yard today and I saw the car drive past. It turned on my street and I ran in the house, shut and double locked the doors. I got really scared and starting shaking.
Now, I keep looking at the windows, afraid that somebody watching me every second.
I don't know what I'd do if he was standing there. I don't know why I keep looking.
I just want security.
