So today i admitted to my mum how unhappy i am

fallenangel1xxx's picture

So today i admitted to my mum how unhappy i am

She said i'm mentally ill and selfish for making her miserable like i am, like i can fucking help feeling like this, i'm supposed to be able to turn to her and have someone to talk to about how i feel and she even said my figure was boyish when i got upset about having a fat boyish figure and when i was upset about my features and how i look she started saying i should change my makeup and hair to being normal then i could look nice like normal girls and i would go and dye my hair green wouldnt i? (then proceeded to call Dahvie and ugly freak D,:) And when i simply mentioned my favourite band (mcr obviously) i got the "it's not good to be obsessed with things" rant when if it wasn't for them i'd almost definitely be dead by now because of the constant bullying for how i look through highschool, i'm being Councillor for everyone else when i can hardly fucking cope on my own, i'm thinking more and more about what age i want to exit existence by and i literally no matter where i go (college, bars, town) i feel like nobody really wants me around, like last night i end up standing around like a spare prick at a wedding or latching on to a group of close friends in town, do you know how embarrassing it is to be stood on your own in the middle of a bar or wandering aimlessly because everyone has ditched you, i'm so sick of feeling invisible but at the same time i don't want people to act too affectionate, feeling happy would be enough but i know it's my own mental state but i feel ugly, unwanted, unhappy, lonely and i can't even cry about it you know, you know in this is how i disappear when it says "i'm just a ghost so i can't hurt you anymore" is literally how i feel, i have to make myself invisible to not hurt people and make everyone else feel as bad as i am and i just needed to get this out somewhere