Like a shot right through the heart, a gaping whole left in my chest.

TO EVERY ENEMY's picture

Like a shot right through the heart, a gaping whole left in my chest.

Whenever I listen to this song I think of...everything. Just...so many things, I can't possibly list them all.
It used to just be addiction, self destruction, tragic ends.
Now I think of my grandfather, how I'll never get to hear his laugh or see his smile again.
I think of how confused I am, really, about everything.
How I'm so scared. Of the dark, of loneliness, of pain, of loss, of failure, of the demons that seem to be lurking around every corner. I think of my fear of the future, how I feel like I'll never make it any where and I'll stay stuck in this town forever, working as a cubicle rat and not finding any happiness and dying with a life that never satisfied me in the slightest.
I'm scared that I'll leave this town, that I'll end up dying alone, in some random apartment in a big city, my body remaining unfound because there was just no one....just NO ONE who even minded I was gone.
I'm terrified.
I think of so many things whenever I listen to this, and it's like a shot through the heart. It leaves a gaping, festering wound in my chest that I can't close no matter how many times I try to stitch it up.
It leaves me gasping for breath, unable to get enough air in my lungs because the words and the ominous, melancholy yet somehow HOPEFUL melody leaves me as raw as possible.
Skin and bone.
And somehow, it leaves me with a spark of hope.
A little imprint of something that wasn't there before, that maybe things will turn out.
It'll be as hard as walking through hell (but that's life anyway, isn't it? The world's been reduced to Hell. Hell on earth.)
But I'll get there.
I'll make it.
You. Cannot. Destroy. Me.
I'll fall down, all the way to the bottom. But maybe I'm better off that way.