I know a lot of people are always like: I can't wait to grow up, so I can do this or do that. But in all honesty, I really don't want to grow up. Like...at all. I want to be able to have the chance/excuse to act like a total weirdo and goof, and act like ME. I feel like when I grow up I'm going to end up losing myself, my creative, psychotic, totally weird-misunderstood-freakshow-crazy-hyperactive-annoying self. I mean, sure. My personality could improve. A lot. Not a lot of people like me, at least that's what I've gathered. So growing up might have more people like me if I'm more mature...but if I can't be myself I don't WANT people to like me.
I want to be a kid because it means freedom, but it still means you always have someone watching out for you. Whether its a parent or friend or teacher or what ever, there's always someone there to help you if you're falling behind. But when you grow up, it seems like you're all on your own, and that terrifies me.
And as always, my paranoia gets the best of me. Everyday I feel like I'm getting older, closer to adult hood, and I feel like when I grow up I'll end up in an office, a cubicle, just like everyone else, wasting away my dreams and goals, living a life that's not even worth the effort or time.
I've said this so many times, but I'll say it again, I WANT TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE! A difference in at least ONE KIDS LIFE. A kid like me who at one point or another felt really alone and scared and just HOPELESS. I want to help those kids, and I want to be able to do what I love most. Music.
I want to be able to fulfill my other dreams as well, photojournalism for a rock mag. But that probably will never happen, not for a girl who lives in the Midwest in a town no one has probably heard of.
Oh no, not for this girl.
She's just going to end up in a gray office, like the rest of them.
Fuck you paranoia.
And fuck growing up, l'm gonna try to stay a kid for as long as I can.
