Anti-suicide Poem from 2005

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Anti-suicide Poem from 2005

I wrote this in 2005 about suicide.

Is the pain real?
Is it really real?
Do you know what you feel?
Is the pain really real?

When you sit alone in your room you begin to feel the pain arise
But when you walk with others the pain does really subside

You are now back alone in the dark corner of your mind
This is were you find the pain again and bring it in this time

You say it never left you, and the happiness was just a mask
But that little happiness was real and you just wished it into the past

You let the emptiness fill you so you think your home again
But then you say you feel at home nowhere and no one is your friend

When you find a love he or she may not be real
But you wish and wish he will make your pain disappear

You don't let him do that though do you, you let the pain comfort you when you are down
These thoughts of death and suicide seem like escape routes now

When he tries to get close to you, you mentally push him away
You don't want him to know because you think it will bring him pain

The truth is though, the pain isn't real.
You just want it there so you have something to feel

So I ask again,
Is the pain real?
Is it really real?
Do you know what you feel?
Is the pain really real?

He gives up hope he thinks he lost you, to the pain that you love more then him
He sees something wrong but he tried all he could, he can't take it away because you won't let him

He starts to walk away now and you see him leave, you blame it on him, yourself, and love
Because we all know 'Love is just another pain'

Now you're alone again in your dark room
Feeling everything in full force is going to take soon

You have serious thoughts of suicide
and you really want to die

You grab the knife next to your bed that you always keep 'in case of hard times'
But you don't know what you're doing as you cut yourself away

Now you lay bleeding and the pain is fading
But have you ever thought

Is the pain real?
Is it really real?
Do you know what you feel?
Is the pain really real?

Now for what you don't see because you made your escape
This is the pain you caused to all those who you thought made your pain

Your mother comes in one morning, believing you're going to sleep through the day
She walks into your room to grab something, but now she's screaming in pain

The pain you made her feel is REAL and now you're gone you cannot see
You cannot see that this person loved you and you cause her, her pain so REAL

But as you're reading this your probably thinking, 'Oh thats even better I will take revenge'
Revenge for what? I ask, for the pain that you think you feel?

Was your pain ever real, and if it was why do you feel
Why should you care if you live or die, why should you want to die?

I live with pain all day, but I don't try to take my life
I had a girlfriend, who I wished to call my wife

I had her and held her but she mentally pushed me away
I lived through this for many years until she made it disappear

She took her life on this very night
This very night she took her life

I would have asked her but in fear I didn't
I should have asked her

Is your pain real?
Is it really real?
Do you know what you feel?
Is your pain really real?

But this isn't the end for you
You funeral is yet to come

Here you see all the people who do care
Well most anyone because some of them really don't

The ones that cry here are the ones that care
The ones on the verge of it but feel like they should be strong

Your ex-boyfriend is here too
He can't believe what you've done

He thinks to himself 'Why didn't I ask her those simple words?'
'I wish this didn't happen and it all my fault'

He thinks maybe he can return to you
He thinks maybe he can do the same

He still cared for you
but your pain blinded you from this

You mother is here and she cries too
'Why did this happen why couldn't I see it?'

She thinks 'Maybe I too should do the same'
'Maybe I too should do it to be with my baby girl again'

They all blame themselves and you say they never cared
They all wish they could have done something different to make you stay there

But now you're gone to the other side, and this is where you'll remain
Remain on the other side feeling all your pain, remain on the other side.. and trust me... this pain is real

I cannot tell you what happen to the rest of them because the glimpse into your past life has expired
Now you must stay here and be tortured

Tortured by every thought of pain you have
Tortured by the thoughts 'You killed you mother and boyfriend'

You killed them and its all your fault now
You killed them... but... you still have a chance to redeem yourself....

As you wake up from this dream, think about everything that has happened
Think about what happened when you died, seeing how many people you made cry

As you wake up from this dream, remember live life as if it were your last
Make the best of every moment, don't try to live in the pains of the past

These are the only word's that kept me company through the days that I lost my wife
The only words that made me live on, and live happily in my life

Now I hope you will spread the word, make everyone know....

Is the pain real?
Is it really real?