So it’s been a month since I had that dream that I didn’t really enjoy because it had an ending I didn’t like, but I was lucky enough to have it continue last night. So as usually I will repeat the last little bit from the dream before it or you can look at all the other parts on my blog before you read this one. I hope you enjoy this and thank you for reading and I would love it if you could comment. This is how the dream went:
Morning came slowly and I was dreading it and when I finally hear the band walk into my motel room I froze. We were ament to talk about what to do next this morning and I was about to tell them that I didn’t want to be in the band anymore. I sat there waiting for the right moment to tell them all, but the true is that there is never that moment, the right moment was created by people who loved to avoid things, since it is never the right moment they never told the things they really need to and I wasn’t going to be one of them. I stood up while everyone was talking and said “I have something to say.” I took a deep breathe “we all know that yesterday didn’t go to plan, but it made me realise something, I don’t want this, the band is amazing but it’s not me anymore, I have to leave.” I looked around at everyone and saw that Max’s heart break was being worn on this face. “We knew that this wasn’t going to work, so I am leaving…” I walked over to where my bag was and picked it put and walked to the door “…now. I’m sorry.” And then I walked out the door. I stood outside and building and signalled for a taxi. I got into a taxi and drove away so I could start my new life. I knew this time it would all work and I wouldn’t be afraid. My phone began to ring and I looked at the caller ID and my heart started to hurt as soon as I saw it was Max calling. I didn’t know whether to let it go to voice mail or answer it and let him yell at me. A moment passed and I answered once I decided that he deserved to yell at me and I deserved to hear it. I didn’t even need to say hello because as soon as I answered he started yelling. “Why didn’t you talk to me first before you made this decision, I would have understood then but now? Well, now I think you never truly cared about me, that you were just using me or something like that.” Max stopped and waited for me to reply.
“Max, I do care for you, I really do,” were the only words I could manage to say before Max started yelling again.
“Well it doesn’t feel like it, when did you even decide this?”
“Last night, I couldn’t sleep and I called Gerard and…”
“So you turned to him and not me,”
“Wait you don’t get to say that, I didn’t turn to him, I called to him because he wanted me to call him after we spoke to the record label but I forget. I started crying and he helped me work out what I wanted. Trust me if you had have been there I would have spoken to you, but you would have just…” I then paused I had almost told him something horrible and he knew that and maybe that was why he was so persistent to get me to finish my sentence.
“What, what would’ve I just done?”
“You would have told me to stay with the band and you. You would’ve never let me go, and that is why you have called me, you want me to turn around and come back but I can’t Max. I can’t come back, I have to make my dreams come true first and then maybe you can forgive but I can’t come back because I have already left!” I yelled these words at him and then hanged up. Tears streamed down my face and I deserved every tear I was a horrible person, but I had to do it. I looked out the window and as I did I noticed the slight change in the buildings as the taxi travelled closer to the centre of the city which was where Gerard had told me to meet him. I didn’t know what would happen as soon as I got there but I was excited and afraid to find out what.
The taxi stopped in front of a huge hotel and Gerard was standing outside of it. He walked over to me and put his arms around me and he didn’t let go for a while, he gave me a friendly pat on the back and then he squeezed me tightly, and it was only when he let go that I realised why he had hugged me, it was because tears were still streaming down my face. He attempted to wipe my tears but they continued to roll down my cheeks. “Dreamer it’s alright, you did what you had to do.” Gerard said as he failed at trying to cheerer me up.
“He hates me and I can’t go back to face him and he didn’t believe me when I told him how I felt about him.” I sobbed.
“Max is going to understand one day but for now you just need to focus on your dream and I am here to help” He took my bag off the taxi driver who was standing there waiting for me to pay him but before I could pull my money out Gerard had already paid the driver and had said thank you on my behalf. “You didn’t have to do that, I had the money I could’ve paid the man” I said.
“It’s fine. Now come on we have a lot of work to do. Did you bring some songs with you?” Gerard grabbed me by the arm and pulled me toward the doors to the giant hotel. We went through the doors and rushed across the entrance. “Picked all my songs that I didn’t write with the band, the band and I were two completely different sounds, but we were both still rock.” I replied once I had court my breath again.
“Good because we need to learn them straight away and then go record them.” His words stunned me.
“Wait who needs to learn my songs, you don’t mean who I think you mean do you, because that’s no possible. That would never happen, and if it did it would only happen in a dream.”
“You’re not dreaming, but yes the band and I are going to play with you on your record. They’re the best band I could think of to play with you.” His words once again shocked me and I couldn’t believe it, this week had been filled with unbelievable moments from the first time I had met My Chemical Romance to now getting to play with My Chemical Romance. It was a lot for me to think about and it was a lot for someone to ask me to take in. When we got up to his room I froze I couldn’t step inside the room. Gerard opened the door and walked in but I still stayed outside frozen, enable to move but I could still hear what was going on inside the room.
“Gerard your back you were outside waiting for a while,” it was the voice of Mikey who said this.
“So I’m guessing by the absence of Dreamer that she didn’t show, and we set up all this gear for nothing.” It was Frank that spoke this time and he hadn’t realised that I was outside.
“What do you mean she’s right…?” I heard Gerard’s voice trail off, “well she was right behind me.” Mikey popped his head around the door and smiled at me and made a small laugh. “Hi, are you planning on coming in or are you going to stay out here all day?” he said in a calm voice.
“Staying out here doesn’t sound too bad. I could stay out, yeah staying out here sound good. I’ll do that.” I rambled out, and while I did the tears started again, as I remembered Max’s heartbroken face. Mikey stepped out of the room and walked over to me and hugged me the same way Gerard had, I was starting to hate being a basket case. “You know it’s all going to be okay, right, because it’s very important you know that. We’re going to help you through this and you are going to be happier and do you know what you have to do first?”
“No crying?” I replied to his question.
“That’s a good answer but not the one I was looking for. You need to forgive yourself that’s the only way you can be forgiven, but how about we start with you walking into that room first, do you thing you can do that first?” Mikey looked down at me and I started walking towards the door with him as I wiped my teat, so they wouldn’t be show as soon as I walked into the room. He took my hand and squeezed it tightly and whispered “it’s okay” to me and then he opened the door.
“Hey, it’s Dreamer we were wondering if you had run away from us, but clearly you haven’t. It’s nice to see you are you still quiet and shy around us?” Frank said as he sat at a table tuning his guitar, I nodded, and he smiled at me. I then looked at Ray who was setting beside Frank playing a song that sounded familiar to me but I could remember where I knew it from. Ray smiled at me and I smiled back, and wonder if I would ever be able to ask him what that song was. I looked around the room and saw Gerard setting up a microphone in the centre of the room, “do you like it you will be spending a lot of time in front of it?” Gerard said with a smile on his face, but I didn’t say anything in reply.
“I still don’t understand how you managed to talk to her over the phone; she isn’t exactly a chatty Cathy?” Frank joked.
“Hey, I can be chatty; it’s just a matter of getting me to speak first.” I said with a raised voice.
“She speaks,”
“Yes I do and let’s get started.”
To Be Continued, yes the dream ended there but I can tell it’s going to continue and I kind of like the way it’s going, but I still miss being with Max but maybe next time. It was really amazing how Gerard and Mikey were so kind to me, I know it was just a dream but I did love the way how I mentioned how I realised it could all just be a dream and Gerard told me it wasn’t. I can’t wait until the next dream; it’s starting to get good again.
