RAY’S BIRTHDAY TOMATO—yes, children, I said TOMATO.

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RAY’S BIRTHDAY TOMATO—yes, children, I said TOMATO.

Yes, I know this is early. Yes, I know you must be wondering what a birthday tomato is. But please, grant me a moment to simply enjoy that “wtf” expression on your face before I explain.

…. Aaaaahhh. Very nice. Yes, now we shall continue.

It’s a JET STAR TOMATO. That’s right, dearest, I said Jet Star tomato. It is an actual type of tomato, and I ate it last night. See, my mother was out plant shopping one tomato lifetime ago, and she saw this little tomato plant. If you’ll kindly consult the first picture on your right hand side, you’ll see the label on this tomato plant. The very same label my mother saw and, as any good MCR fan should, freaked out over. She brought the thing home and showed me, then she planted it. Obviously. She grew it with tender love and care (obviously), and yesterday it was ripe for picking and I was vigorously encouraged consume the adorable, precious, amazing tomato. Only one of them survived, so it must’ve been the TRUE Jet Star, eh? AHAHAHAHAHA ONLY RAY TORO WOULD HAVE A FRANKING TOMATO DOPPELGANGER!! The man is magic, I swear.

SO. Toro Thursday was celebrated with epic flair. All by my lonesome, I danced with the tomato, sang Vampire Money to the tomato, and played air guitar using the tomato as the pick… whilst standing on a couch…

HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY RAYMOND MOTHERTRUCKING TORO!!!!!!!!!!

What you should know: Jet Star tomatoes are absolutely delicious. They are like little dwarf tomatoes, but not in the way that a cherry tomato is a dwarf tomato, because they still taste like tomato. And… um… I’m weird.

PINKIES OUT.

(oh, and enjoy the pictures of the tomato and the Ray GIF. You have to click on it, okaaaaaay?)