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Please help me.

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mayy's picture
on July 13, 2014 - 1:51pm

NOTE: This is not a self harm post therefore I am "NOT" breaking the rules. I'm simply explaining why I need help.
Thank you.

Hi guys, how've you been? Judging by the title, you can probably tell I'm not so great.
So this week has literally been SHIT!!!
I missed 2/3 days of school (Because I'm just a little shit like that) and my family was obviously no help considering I literally avoided them by locking myself in my room THE WHOLE DAY...No lie. I only went out once each day for food because whenever I'd leave, I'd get a panic attack. Yes guys.
It's come to this. I can't even be comfortable in my own goddamn house.
I cried every morning because I feel like a disapointment to everyone.
My parents, my teachers, my friends, heck, even God at times.
Seriously guys, I'm feeling like complete shit. I look in the mirror and insults fill my mind. I can't go a day without criticizing myself anymore.
My grades are dropping and I'm losing interest in ALL the things I love. Guys, I used to love to draw and write but now I have no motivation and lately (today) I don't even want to listen to music. SERIOUSLY!?! Music has ALWAYS been my escape. Now I just feel dead. I'm stuck, guys.
Worst of all, my family literally couldn't care less, if anything they're the ones who at times hate on me.
The other day my parents threatened to take my phone away because They think my music is bonkers and loud and evil (how dumb of them) and my brother has actually told me, MORE THAN TWICE THIS WEEK, that;
"You're so different. You're like the blacksheep of our famliy. I just don't get you," & my other older bro told me;
"Melisa, you're most likely adopted, you freak,".
Yes....that's my life.

I mean, i love that I'm different and all but I just feel so unusual lately when people point it out. I'm just confused.
My mom always complains about how no one ever acted like I do and how I'm a menace and I feel so unappreciated. She wants us all the same!! FUCK'N SOCIETY!
Which reminds me, the other day we were having dinner and talking about our new house and dad was like;
"We're picking your room color and design" and I begun ranting on about uniqueness and individiuality and literally everyone gave me this look and said I was being disrespectful. DAFUQ IS SPEAKING YOUR MIND DISRESPECTFUL?!! UGHHHHHH.

Please help guys, i feel like complete ans utter shit. School is making me physically sick. I'm always in pain mentally and now even physically and it hurts SOO BAD.
I asked my mum about homeschooling but she yelled at me and said I'm just lazy and that she doesn't want me to waste her time :(
Please let me know how I can convince her and dad to let me homeschool and also how do you tell your parents that you want to see a shrink and about depression.

Please help me ,guys, I really need it.