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Physical and emotional abuse, so basically- Bullying (PLEASE HELP)

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mayy's picture
on November 17, 2014 - 12:42pm

So, I just wanted to get it out there and ask; Is it really considered bullying? When someone just out of nowhere physically attacks you by smacking your face and laughing about it? When they grip your wrists tight and try to hold you down somehow? Constantly kicking you and slapping you, and all this accompanied by name calling and rude jokes? When they tease and make fun of you- not to mention isolate you and neglect you- and then say all these times they were just playing? Just sibling fun? Am I being too sensitive?
Can I really report my brother(s) to my parents and say that they are "bullying" me? I mean, they call me names and pick on me and stuff but then laugh about it and say not to take it personally, but its hard. I don't even know if I'm being too sensitive or if I've been bullied my entire life. And I'm going nuts because of this.

When I was little, my brothers CONSTANTLY called me fat, chubby, tubbo, meatball girl and stuff like that. But I don't know if they meant it to hurt my feelings. They'd say they were just kidding and tell me they didn't mean it, but would continue it to the point whereby getting them to stop took crying or yelling. And even after that, it's continued to this day. And of late, I can't take it.
My brothers and I have a regular relationship. I wouldn't say its GREAT because, they constantly make fun of and tease me, but I wouldn't say it's bad because they seem decent around me. We've always had this kind of insulting each other relationship, but never going to far as in to the point where you speak of something that really hurts someone, but I jokingly insult them, and they SOMETIMES JOKINGLY insult me. But they always take it too far. Since around 6 or 7 (when I started school or a year earlier,) I've always struggled with my brothers. My sisters were both in boarding schools so I grew up with my four brothers and they took this as a chance to ruin my self esteem and confuse me about our relationship
One time, they were calling me cutsie and stuff and being sweet, the next they were calling me fat and tubbo and melon and being awful. Physically slapping my face and ALWAYS gripping my wrists too tight to threaten me. They would then convince me I was wrong for telling my parents they were bullying me, and make me feel obligated to apologize when I realize, I didn't have to.
The physical abuse reduced when I started school because I wasn't really home, but the emotional continued.
Because I had anxiety, I would be very shy around others, and when their friends would come over, they would make fun of how shy I was and laugh about it. I asked them to stop bu they would tell me to stop being emotional.
Anytime I asked them to stop, they'd say I'm too emotional and sensitive, and so, even when they hurt my feelings, I'd laugh and then go cry in my room which caused me depression at a really young age.
I tried to ignore it but it didn't stop. With all four of them, only ONE brother of mine never ever bullied me. He was always nice and sweet. My eldest brother Angelo would say things like I'm useless and that he hated me and that I'm a useless hunk of meat (haha, still does all these things) and slap me and make me do his chores which was one of the most awful things ever.
Imagine being 7 years old and your 27 year old brother is the only one you're left at home with because your mother doesn't want you out of the house, and he calls you names and makes you do his chores.....Yeah. Crappy.
I did however tell my parents and they said they'd kick him out if he didn't stop, so he stopped making me do his chores and just stopped talking to me. Which made me very upset. He was literally the only human being around me for 10 hours for five days and he wouldn't talk to me, which convinced me I was wrong. I always said "You stupid sensitive baby! Look what you did?" and would apologize, but it didn't work. He still hates me. Still calls me a useless fake lazy fat ass (actually insulted me just before dinner today and walked off laughing).

Same with two of my other brothers. Lets call em Misha and Nick.
Misha is 23 and Nick is 15. They both have been abusers throughout my life, but I decided to start with my elder and now kind of dormant abuser, Misha.

When I was younger, he was I think, the worst. He would call me fat and stupid constantly to the point whereby I would try to walk away, but he would grip my wrists tight and then laugh in my face and mimic my crying. He did this mimicking a lot but whenever I would actually start crying, he would stop and apologize and hug me, so I though 'oh he's just playing around'. NOPE.
Fats forward to age 10 or 11, Misha becomes VERY violent and oh, did I mention? Gets into drugs...Yup.
He would threaten to beat me and nick and threaten to slap my mum, and always argue with us, so dad decided that we should probably stop the weed smoking.
He sobered up and all, but still remained verbally abusive. He would call me lazy fatso and threaten to slap me almost everyday, causing my depression to spiral and make me even more introverted at school resulting in zero friends, zero happiness and teasing at home.
But then, Misha would have breakfast with us and smile and laugh and be happy and everything was normal. Well, at least for them. I to this day, don't feel safe in the same room as him, or at least when we're alone, and I'm beginning to feel bad about it. He is sober, he no longer threatens me and he seems normal, but now his problem is he's always neglecting me. He treats me like he doesn't think I'm his sister and constantly has to exclude me from conversations. Its not that bad this year, but last year he would literally say stuff like "Just keep quiet, you have nothing to say" and then laugh and say just kidding. But guess what? My self confidence is already destroyed because I feel like the black sheep. I'm okay with being different,-heck, I love it, but now just cause I'm different, I'm physically excluded from being with my brothers. The other day, I asked to borrow his headphones and he said no and I was okay with that. But then, an hour later Nick asked for them and he gave em to him and said that because he's special unlike me. Of course II tried to brush it off and ignore him, but he then said just kidding and said I could use them, after literally saying my brother is better than me.
He's nicer now, but I don't want to get close to him after how much he hurt me,

And finally, Nick. He is just two years older than me and seems to be the worst.
He on numerous occasions insults my appearance and says "I bet you wish you looked like blah blah blah". he also thinks its funny to always publicly humiliate me. When my sister is over, and we're at the table, he just says "Melissa has such funny eyes," or "haha your nose is like a potato" or,"You look like a boy" and then laughs. I don't even fucking know anymore. Is he joking or does he hate me? I've very many times asked politely, for him to stop this because he hurts my feelings but he just gets angry and tells me to stop being so sensitive.
He continues insulting and picking on me, even after me asking and when I tell me parents about it, they do nothing. They don't care. I'm already keeping away from my family because I'm physically afraid he is going to insult me. I'm getting panic attacks out of nowhere and I now have awful insomnia all because of him. And to make things worse, of late he has been physically assaulting me.
He out of nowhere comes and slaps my face or flicks me in the face or ear and then laughs about it. He has on numerous occasions hit me in the eye, nose and stomach. He slaps me. He insults me. And the other day he took it too far by kicking me in the knee and almost breaking it. He kept calling me the stupidest person in the house and I told him to quit it but he wouldn't stop, so I smacked his phone COVER (like the back housing) out of his hand onto the floor and even apologized instantly, before he VERY STRONGLY kicked me in the knee, causing me to fall and begin crying like a fucking mess.
I was down for like, 3 minutes and my big brother Bryan came to check on me, but I didn't want too much drama so I went outside and he followed me apologizing.
And I fucking don't forgive him. I've told him on numerous occasions to stop physically abusing me but he doesn't stop, and now he nearly broke my knee.
I didn't tell my parents yet because they don't seem to give a shit, so....
Yeah....

Also, my one brother who never bullied me (Bryan) has begun calling me a boy and saying a look like a guy so now, I just feel like absolute shit.
I asked my parents to go stay with my sister for the week (to get away from everyone), but they said no even though they know I can't take it.
I'M GETTING PHYSICALLY ABUSED!!*sigh*
I dont know, maybe I am being too sensitive, but I really can't.
I'm gonna break soon, and I'm worried.
I already had two breakdowns in my bathroom just last week and some very dark thoughts, and I don't know what to do.
I know my brothers love me, but why are they hurting me like this? Or am I being too emotional?
Please MCRMY, this is serious. Can you please help me and tell me what I can do? Talking to my parents might be hard because they aren't very understanding, but I can't do this...

Anyway, thanks for reading my pointless rant.
Li