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My day and thoughts

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mayy's picture
on July 8, 2014 - 11:55am

Hey guys, how've you been?
I've been feeling pretty much shitty because of obvious reasons (school)
But again with my rant about...
SOCIETY!! YAY! (not really)

Okay so this is kinda just me looking for a place to air my dirty laundry and seek some advice, seeing as it actually helped a little last time and I have so much pepped up emotion that it's just....UGHKSDIKKLPXS!!

So 1# :
Social standards and expectations.

So hey guys, you know that moment when you're just seated in class minding your own business when you hear laughs and giggles and decide to look up only to see the "perfect pretty new girl" enjoying herself, chatting with almost everyone in class and notice you're the only one who's seated alone?
Well, welcome to the sad little world of Melissa.
It's pretty much ;get up, go to school, get weird looks and glares, take your seat and then realize you're sitting alone.
This literally happens everyday....
I mean, I try to be positive and happy about being different but society has set the standards that if you're not GORGEOUS, POPULAR, A GENIUS, FUNNY, and friggin the same, then you aint NORMAL.

Well then I'm a fucking alien compared to this girl in my class.
Now first of all, she's kinda my friend so I have nothing against her but it's just that when I see her, I feel like shit. I literally begin hating myself.
She's pretty, has pretty defined pink lips, a "cute" giggle, She's popular (I mean, EVERY SINGLE FUCKING PERSON likes her) She's smart, and everyone likes her.
Whereas people think I'm a boring, mean, sarcastic bitch jut because I'm the opposite of little miss perfect.
I'm quiet, don't talk to anyone except my neighbour occasionally, I don' t come to school everday, I get friggin 2/15 in Social studies homework and I'm just not as "generous and girly".. I'm supposedly "hostile" (fucktards call me hostile, can you believe it?)
Oh sorry, If my blogs are kinda (SUPER) vulgar, I'm just angry.
Huh, what's funny is I say this then the next day I stupidly care what people think. I know, I'm retarded.

And 2#:
Help and guidance...

So today my teacher called me up to his desk and asked what was wrong and why I wasn't at school yesterday and I said I was sick (I nearly cut myself the previous day so I still felt a bit...drousy I guess) and he said,
"Be honest, is everything alright? Is it a medical problem or is something else wrong?"
And at that moment the first thought to pop into my head was,
But noooooo, I fucking stood there mumbling for about 5 seconds until I just told him I have Chronic Nefritis (I was cured last year) and I'm just on medication :(
He gave me an doubtful look but dismissed me.
And just like that, I was gonna tell someone but I wonder...
How can I trust anyone? I can't even tell my parents, how do you tell a teacher?
And so I spent the rest of the day wondering what could've been.. Huhhh
Guys, did I mess up?

Please leave thoughts and maybe some advice...
Should I go back and tell him the truth tomorow or....?