Don't wanna go.
Sup Guys, so if some of you can recall, a few days back I posted about how I was at school for 2 weeks straight and some of you were nice enough to congratulate me and that really put a smile on my face so thank you.
But now, the sad but also goddamn annoying part is that I am begining to have awful panic attacks and am begining to feel the need to stay away from the fucked up world.
I woke up almost crying this morning because so much is filling my head.
As some of you know, my dad recently lost his job and we're out of money which is really hard on us now that vacc is coming and all my brothers and I are gonna be packed and we won't be able to go back to Russia with my mum. And this is really affecting her.
She herself hasn't been home for more than 5 years.
Not only that but now we don't have enough money to pay rent so we're moving into our unfinished house in 2 weeks.
It's not that bad, it's basically done. We just don't have electricity upstairs but now I'm feeling so sad about leaving my childhood home and most of all, leaving behind all the memories.
Its just so hard.
Huh... I really hate whining to you guys cause I know most of you are going through your own shit aswell but I just need someone to talk to-
and thats the amazing MCrmy.
Music is really helping me through this all but without my favorite band (MCR) around, it's like its all pointless.
I know I'm straying so I'm just gonna quit the crap and ask what I came to ask-
Should I go to school tomorow?
Okay so in around 6 hours, I am going to be dragged out of my bed tomorow to go to my own personal hell-
So I've obtained proper attendance in the past two weeks but now the anxiety is taking over and shit is begining to fly.
I've been feeling physically sick lately for around the past month but I just forced myself to go. But no its getting bad.
I recently read an article about bipolar disorder and almost all symptoms listed were what I was experiencing.
Now for the past week or so mostly on my mind was;
"You might be bipolar"
I'm trying to avoid the thought cause I heard "labelling yourself" only makes it worse so.... yeah.
Ive been feeling real low and jaded and been wondering whether I should go to school tomorow.
Please help me guys.
I know you understand.