Everything about me is turning its back. I never leave my house after school, or talk to people, like my friends. So I hold on to the things that make me happy that I can take with me anywhere.
I drew, painted, and sculpted.
I played the violin, and strummed my bass guitar.
But now they're all leaving me. I used to sculpt, pretty good too. But now I can't even make a pinch pot for the life of me. And I was okay with that, I figured, "It happens."
But now people are using my art to judge me. I like to draw things Revenge/ Black Parade/ Conventional weapons style. Paint too. But everyone stares at me like I have serous issues. And in my head I say, "Im happy and don't hurt people. And Gerard did the same thing- So whats wrong with the way I draw and paint?"
But i'm scared, that if I draw or paint anything. Then they're going to try to change me.
I can't play the violin-not any more. I sound horrible, but I still try my hardest to be as good as I once was. And- We had a concert on Monday, and yesterday we had to fill out our concert evaluations. I put a note on the page about my fathers point of view. And I crushed my teachers heart. I can't believe that I did something to terrible, and words can't make it it up. To her, orchestra is her life, its her only purpose ,and all iv'e done is crush her dreams.
I don't feel like I deserve to touch my violin again.
So I cling on to my bass, it's the only thing I have left.
I just so sick of crying.
