GENDER UGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

chpeverill-conti's picture

GENDER UGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Hello everyone,
I'm in school right now. And I'm taking a fairly large step. Last night, at my gay straight alliance, there was a play by True Colors. One scene stuck with me. In the scene, a kid who's name was Mar was transgender and writing a letter to their parents. Other cast members ran around and stuck sticky notes on Mar that said things like "you're strong" and "you can do it." I cried a bit at that scene, and I'm not much of a cryer.
I talked to Mar afterwards and we are becoming friends. Mar is the same age as me, and a-gendered. Mar has been a great help in just a day with my struggles. I don't know what I am. I don't. And it's scary. Some days I'm Zach and others I'm Charlotte and others I'm Z (androgynous). Today I'm Z or Zach. And I came to school as Zach. It feels great, but also intimidating.
I hate my gender. It changes, I think the correct term would be trigendered. And, yes, trigendered people exist. Most of the time I feel female, cyst-gender. But for the other 50-45% is androgynous or masculine. Some times I don't even know what I am.
Does anyone have any advice? Thanks for reading!
Also, how do you guys think I should go about liking Mar? You should see Mar! Sooo cute!