Letters to my mental instability

Chemical_Insanity's picture

Letters to my mental instability

Dear my personal biology,

Seriously? Fuck you! I've had enough of your fucking bullshit. And it's not like I can make you magically disappear, though don't I wish I could...

I hate the fact that I've gone from A anxiety/panic attack a week, to three in a fucking day. Yo, body, what the fuck? What have I done to you to make you hate me so much? I mean, yeah, okay, I have starved myself before. But that was only for a couple of days. And yeah, I have hurt myself, but that was BECAUSE OF YOU.

I demand an explanation for this, genetics. My mom's not depressed, my dad was a bastard. So what fucking gives? You, my genes, have made me ugly, fat, and depressed. I demand a reason for this nonsense. I demand a reason for why I go to sleep every night wanting to kill myself, and why I come to school feeling like you're all down fighting a war of emotions in my cells. More than that, why you INSIST that I get choked up over the smallest things. Or why just saying something the wrong way forces me into a panic attack. I don't deserve this!

Dear Depression,

I seriously fucking hate you. You've ruined my life. I can't be all sunshine and rainbows for FIVE FUCKING SECONDS before you come in and squash the mood. You're scaring all of my friends away. You're trying to kill me! No words can describe how much I hate you. You just...

You make me want to shoot you between the eyes is what you do.

Dear Panic Attacks,

You were created by my genetics and fueled by my depression. You're the bastard child that no one, least of all me, wants. You were a mistake in my genetic write-up. You're the hiccup that should have never been. Go fucking die, or go bug someone else. I'm sick of your shit, so fuck off.

Much anger, wonder, and hatred,