On Friday something happened, that now I regret. I was hanging out with the guy I liked and another friend, across the fucking table from my best friends. And they kept inviting me to recite epic rap battles of history with them, but at the time I didn't really want to. Not because I was embarrased by them, I just don't find it as interesting as they do.
And then today Antichrist Angel told me she was still mad at me about that, and that she and Acid Shock had been hurt by me doing that. And that she had never ignored me for a guy she likes.
I didn't ignore them, though! I talked to them, too. And on top of that, although Antichrist Angel has never left me to hang out with the guy she likes, she's talked to him or other people while we were hanging out together at my house. Last year Acid Shock abandoned me for most of the school year. At every single dance we went to, I ended up sitting alone because they left me. I never told them how much that hurts me. And now the one time I fuck up, they're pissed at me and I'm pretty sure Antichrist Angel doesn't want to talk to me.
And that's not the worst part. On Friday, when this happened, they were joking with me about it. I didn't know that it hurt them, they were just teasing me about it. I felt really bad about it, too. I still do. I just wish they would have said it instead of lying to me about it. Especially since we spent all of Saturday together for a Choir event we had to go to. Which reminds me, they ignored me then, too. I never said a word about it.
I just... I don't know what to do. I spent my lunch crying my eyes out because I feel bad for doing this, and I'll probably end up doing the same thing tomorrow because I'm alone again. Just like I always have been.
-Chemical_Insanity
