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Chemical_Insanity's picture

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I just.... I don't know anymore. Since my girlfriend dumped me a couple of weeks ago, neither she nor our friend Antichrist Angel have talked to me... they don't even acknowledge me. And when they do, AA seems to give me dirty looks...
I'm losing everything. I'm losing myself and everyone I care about. Yesterday my own mother threatened to kick me out cause she thought that I was skipping school. And I'm only 14!
Then today I was being picked on...like I keep BEING picked on. But they wouldn't leave me the fuck alone during lunch. It only made everything so much worse. And then there's the fact that I admitted to one of my friends that a... certain thought has been weighing quite heavily on my mind for the past week (although it's been in my head for quite a while now), and that the more I think of it the more I consider it, and it doesn't even scare me anymore. It's become such a natural thought in my head. And the fact that I've developed insomnia again doesn't help matters.
I appreciate the offers of help from everyone, but I'm sick of false hopes and unkept promises, and all of the fucking lies that most people who have tried to help me have fed me. Things are only getting worse for me. There is no light at the end of this tunnel for me, no matter how deeply I wish for there to. It's not all going to magically disappear one day. I'm going to end up like Fallen Leaves of the Warrior's Series, and I'm going to drown in this motherfucking tunnel while trying to fight my way free.
My time is drawing nigh. That's all there is to it. I've given up hope of getting better. There IS no getting better. Not for me.

-Chemical Insanity