Venting, venting, venting.

Bunny Complex's picture

Venting, venting, venting.

I haven't been on in so long now, mostly because I've been so busy between work, school and my boyfriend that I just haven't had a moment to catch my breath. I had awful time managing skills, and I let that tear into my personal life because I didn't know what else to do with it.

I'm supposed to be doing my math class right now, but I feel this overwhelming need to write. I feel a paralyzing desire to sift through my thoughts.

Lately, I've been so appalled by humanity. Just, the very essence of the human mind, at times, reduces me to tears. Why are people mean? Why do we let ourselves ruin wonderful days with dark, nasty thoughts? Why is that okay? Why do I do it just as much as the people I complain about?

I'm so tempted to promise myself never to judge, make a snide comment, or even do so much as dislike another individual, but if I did, I would be devoid of the catharsis those sentiments bring.

I always find myself hating people for vilifying intelligent people, or for acting like they're superior to others. I find myself hating so much, that, despite being so against the problem, I believe I am part of the cause.

I need to stop letting this paradox defeat me. I need to stop running in a circle of "I hate you because you gave me a dirty look therefore you're an icky conformist", just take a breath and realize: people judge because they weren't given what other people have. People fear. People fear being inadequate. People hate because fear puts them in a bind, and those who don't hate straight off, hate because those who do fill them with anger. And anger breeds hate.

Instead, I am just going to accept that people do judge others. People do act as though they're better than others, and it's their problem. I shouldn't give myself problems because I can't bear the thought that people can be so malicious and judgmental.

"Be your best to everybody. No exceptions." - Jordan Dreyer of La Dispute. It's about time I extend 'everybody' to those who don't deserve it, because maybe one day they will.

"Reserving judgments is a matter of infinite hope," and I really don't want to be hopeless anymore.