I saw you on the telly today

blinks_execution's picture

I saw you on the telly today

and it seems to me that you always no when I'm going to need you.

You always show up before the storm.

Right now mam is crying in the kitchen, Dads gone missing and my sisters too far away to know the truth.

The last time I saw my mam cry was when she got hit in the face by a cricket bat, I guess its the same this time. Only the cricket bat is metaphorical and for that reason its hurting even more.
I've never seen her pray before, and whether she was when I walking in, I'll never know, because I won't ask because we're not that kind of family, but she was saying something and it sounded like help.

It makes me sad knowing that this could be it, potentially, this could tear our family a part because neither mam or dad are strong enough to deal with this, she's depressed, my dads been depressed for three fucking years and i doubt he's going to get better anytime soon.

When I was little, I used to think they knew what they were doing. Now I know they don't. They've got no idea and I don't know what to think about that because I used to think that they were undefeatable, that the world always gave them what they needed to get by.
I guess I was wrong.
Its only fucking february and already we've lost both cars, half the fucking house, and my mams even starting to regret moving away from stoke.
How ironic.

Dads getting back from work later and later, but theres no extra money coming in. And people say its not all about money, that as long as you've got each other you'll be fine. Well I'll tell you now, I certainly don't want to live without it when I'm older. Cause I don't think it is alright, I don't think you can live without it anymore because my families lack of money has become the reason nobody in this house can say hello, how was your day? without it ending in some kind of scream off. My families lack of money is the reason that now when I'm on the college bus with Josh, I spend the journey arguing with myself as one half of me (i don't know whether this is the sane or the insane) dwells me I have to get off and go home, and the other tells me to take up Joshs offer of living with him.

So yeah, I saw you on the telly today, it was welcome to the black parade, and I hadn't heard it in awhile, but that doesn't matter because you always show up right when I need you, you're barely hanging on in the back of my mind until my mind starts to wander, and then you show up, like some kind of super hero, to bring me back down to earth.

So thanks for being on the telly today. Thanks a lot

xo a girl called vienna