i know it didnt mean much to you but it meant a whole fucking lot to me!

blinks_execution's picture

i know it didnt mean much to you but it meant a whole fucking lot to me!

so i dont think you guys will know this because i dont think ive ever really mentioned this, but i thought i should inform you of this, for two reasons that you will understand later.

the killers are a band that mean alot to me, like think of what my chem mean to you, a massive amount right, times that by a million.

i always say they mean as much to me as mcr do, and to be honest musically they do, my favrout bands are mcr and the killers, my two favrout front men are brandon flowers and gerard way, favorite albums, sams town and three cheers, favorite songs, im not okay and this river is wild.

basically on that level they are equal, but on an emotional level (although it is very close) the killers mean more to me, i dont know whether its because theyve been there since i was young, they remind me of my mum, because they slapped me round the face when i was 13 and said get a grip on yourself and think about who you really are instead of following the crowd without even being there to do so, or because in many ways theyve saved my life, it could be because they showed me who i wanted to be, but i dont really know and overthinking that will probably be a waste of useful time.

what im trying to say is theyve been there through massively important parts of my life and theyve always pushed me forward to do what i need to do.

now another thing you might all be aware of is that they are coming to the uk, and today the tickets went on sale.

now you can probably guess where this is going cant you.

my mum was at home, so she was getting them, now had it been the normal circumstances where tickets sold out id be fine with that but the fact is they didnt, the decent seats sold out, that is different.

she didnt get them when she could have!

it sounds pathetic but recently ive been under so much pressure to do the right thing when so much shit has gone down in other peoples lives, and ive just been told i have to do a years worth of art work in three weeks.

im tired, i cant sleep, ive lost my appetite, ive lost two friends, one who doesnt care and is currently treating me like dort yet thinks hes still my friend, and another who just seems to think that i hate her, i dont.

i dont know so much has happened lately its hard to keep track and i feel like i cant feel anything like there is a wall in my mind that is trying to stop me from feeling anything to stop me from feeling hurt and i know that if i can just knock a few of the bricks away the whole thing will come tumbling down but i cant.

the problem is when my mind thinks i need defending it builds its own self defence maechanism in my mind and it does a fucking good job of it.

i know i sound crazy, and i thought i should state that im not (my mother had me tested) (that was a reference to a tv show i wasnt being serious) (harmy).

so um yeah im being told to sleep tonight, so um bye?

killjoyoff