We are so perfectly destructable

Becky MCR's picture

We are so perfectly destructable

You know how parents work right?
They encourage you to do better. They support you.
They don't compare you to your younger sister constantly saying how smart and dedicated she is and criticise you, making you feel like a worthless piece of shit. They don't wear you down until you'd rather fuck off somewhere, anywhere, else just to get away from them, because you just can't take it any more. Or they do. Whatever. Like it even matters...

Sometimes I wonder why I'm quite screwed up. But our basic social skills come from how we socialised when we were younger and our primary social circle was, and is, our family. I don't know how to properly interact with people because when I was younger 50% of the time was mum yelling, 25% was everyone giving each other the silent treatment and 25% was us interacting normally. No, I don't know why I played so many imaginary and creative games when I was younger. Couldn't have been to get away from the real world could it?

I barely talk about myself to others because it feels like I'm attention seeking. I have some strange trust issues too. I wasn't okay when I was "normal" or "mainstream" and it's only personal circumstances outside the family that brought me crashing into depression. And I think if my crash hadn't coincided with my discovery of MCR and rock music...I don't know...who know's what would've happened.