im not okay

I been lying to my family and friends saying I'm okay and faking smiles when really I'm not okay and I want to cry. I'm going through a lot and everyone is just like it will be ok, go to therapy it will help, I'm here for u, pray to god. I don't want to do any of that. I want to scream and ask why me, I want to bottle the pain inside, most if all I want to blast My Chemical Romance and yell at the top of my lungs. I just want justice for my sister and me but I'm afraid. I'm afraid cry, I'm afraid to talk to anyone, I'm afraid to pray and I'm afraid justice wont come and then I will be asking what was the point of all of this