please read i need your opinion on this. :)

at school i am doing a discriptive piecde of wirting and i need your input on thing do you think this s a good introduction please comment and tell me thank you.

The real world a desolate waste land where pain is therapy and hate is everywhere violence roams the streets and pollution fills the sky’s. People say this world is perfect but what is perfect? Really? To me perfect is this, the imaginary world I have in my head, where everyone acts as if they are family, like a wasp and sticky jam sandwich.

hope you like it :)