Am I a bad person?

I dont understand why god is joking with my life. When ever I find something or someone I never want to lose, god takes it away. Its true...theres no one who can change my mind about it. I try to help everone else with there problems but when it comes to me...no one helps me...only one friend helps me and she has been there from me since i met her. I want to cry every second of my life but I hide my feelings...I dont ever let it out. I have so many secrets that I havent even told my mother...I want to just grab a rope and end it. Its a battle everyday for me just to stay sane. I can tell that god is playing me like a puppet for his entertainment...I wouldn't be surprised if I died later today in some random car accident or something. No one gives a shit anyways...why am I even blogging this?...