so in the last times many things happend
1. i told one of my friends i don't wanna have any kind of relationship with her. next year i'm going to go to the us for a yer. she told me when i return to germany i won't have friends anymore. so told her if she don't want to be mine anymore it's ok...she was a bit pissed...crazy thing about it? we're more friendly to each other than before...maybe we just needed a break
2. she was right. i won't have friends anymore. not becaause they won't see me for a year. it's because i don't have friends a the moment!
i mean...since a year i'm always sad, thinks stupid things...well....what you do if you're sad day for day for day....i started to hate everyone because they didn't notice and since a few weeks i can't fake a smile anymore...before i always act like i was happy...i can't!
my best friend...well i'm not sure if she is anymore...she's like "how are you? everythings fine?"
and i'm like "donno" and she thinks it's ok. she never felt depressed and like noone cares about you. i don't know what's wrong with me becuse i have everything i need and i'm alone anyway...
3. i thought i'm over it. i thought i could stop hating myself but i was wrong. i look forwaard to being in the us. i donÄt want to be here anymore. maybe it's wrong to flee from my feelings and all those people but it makes me sick!
i have no chance to win against myself. i tried but it didn't worked.
4. i feel ugly. i mean, i know i'm not really ugly but i'm not pretty at all....well...i don't accept yself anywaay and i hate me for being like this!
5.so it's not only, that my best friend doesn't care about me...nobody cares!
i'm claass representative...it's not because i am or was very popluar with my class...just because i always have an own opinion!
i think i lost them...
i don't know what they think about me at the moment but...i mean in every fucking room i'm sitting alone!
why? i didn't do anytthing!
i hate my life...or maybe life just hates me?
stay strog even liefe fuckes you up
mediction cake
