The future is bulletproof... um... not so sure about that any more...

Aisling_xx's picture

The future is bulletproof... um... not so sure about that any more...

This is a dilemma I've been awaiting for a very long time now. The "I don't know what the fuck to do with my life" existential crisis... yay!! Right so as a kid I imagined that by the time I was 16/17/18 I'd either be: dead (sorry I was fucked up), in a band and touring so no school for me, I'd have somehow lost myself along the way and was perfectly fine with a boring job along with a meaningless life and the final assumption I made was basically my current situation right now which is not knowing what the fuck to do because I still don't want a "real job". My worst nightmare always has and always will be ending up stuck in a dead end job I hate, gotten married for the sake of it so believing that love doesn't exist, waking up at 40 with the bitter realization that I wasted my life away by conforming to what society and everyone else expected me to be, have not even attempted to do anything I've ever wanted to do before and miserably dying filled with regret. Another problem is that everyone I know is so concerned about how fancy their collage will be or how well paid they'll be so they can get themselves a nice house or expensive car (or will end up serving me a Big Mac in McDonalds some day years from now because they didn't try). Seriously people judge those who go to a IT because it's not half as fancy as University is and assume they'll get nowhere because they're heads are so far up their asses that they see everyone who didn't get 500+ points in the Leaving Cert or has the ambition to be a brain surgeon or some shit like that as somehow inferior to them. When that's not the case at all!
A lot of people don't get that I don't give a fuck how fancy or non fancy whatever collage I end up in is, I don't give a fuck whether I live in a shitty apartment or a big house to be honest I don't even know what I'd do with a big house, I don't care what car I'll drive or even if I will drive and I as long as I have enough money to actually survive then I'm perfectly happy. If my life has meaning and I'm still able to play guitar, sing, write and have a decent camera and maybe go to the odd gig or festival then I'll be on cloud 9! I've always dreamed of being in a band that's able to help people the way MCR saved me but I know there's a big chance that wont happen, I'll try and I'll never give up but I do need a job/collage. The alternatives to the band thing were: writer and motivational speaker against bullying because I really do want to help people. We had to take this quiz for career guidance in school to see what would suit us I'm not even kidding I got: actress, writer, musician, art therapist (okay that actually sounds pretty cool but apparently I'm not capable of doing that), screenwriter, journalist, presenter...um... wig maker was on the list (what the fuck?). The vast majority of those don't involve going to collage that I'd actually be allowed go to and my teacher will not be impressed!! Ugh... all the collages in my area don't have anything that interests me either so....I was considering journalism but... I don't like the idea of writing about current affairs lets be honest they're all just really depressing, I'd like to work for a magazine like Kerrang I guess (they actually have the best job ever, I'd rather be in the bands they interview but hey who doesn't want to interview bands, write about them and gigs while getting to call it work!?) but I keep getting told there's no work in that. I also don't plan on living here forever by the way, I love being Irish but I'm not spending the rest of my life here!
I have 2 years left before collage but I'm getting asked this every. fucking. day. Hence why I'm freaking out now!!
How are you guys? Better than me I hope?
-Ash xx