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chpeverill-conti's picture

too fucking clean

on October 23, 2017 - 7:55am

life is too clean and i cant fucking stand it i want everything to be dirty and messy and chaotic maybe i've been listening to too much black flag and shit but i feel maddened. i need to make shit dirtier but dont know how fuck maybe ill spray paint some shit that helps usually or make art thats good too
class in half an hour

chpeverill-conti's picture

places i'd like to live

on October 19, 2017 - 6:51pm

a crackhouse without the crack
a commune
the streets (by choice)
a field of straw or hay
between a pair of breasts
in a barn i'm squatting in illegally
a music shop
my car
a dumpster
my best friend's house
in a good graphic novel
my own womb
a spider web (i'd be the spider)
tara (gone with the wind)
a freight train going who knows where
a shitty apartment


chpeverill-conti's picture

what the fuck

on October 18, 2017 - 5:08pm

reading funny journial entries from a few years back. ive been journialing since i was 11 and im 19 now.

march 8, 2015
(please note we were 100% sober)
didn't write about girls night yesterday. we went to nick's pizza. (redacted name) and i peed in a walgreen's parking lot, behind a dumpster. we went to sudburry farms. (redacted name) and I rode in those kiddie carts where there's a police car built into the front end of the cart for kinds to play in. I fit nicely. Fun times :)

3/14/2012 (13 years old)
hopes and dreams lsit: get (recdacted name) to be my friend again. get a girl friend.

chpeverill-conti's picture

spam bots

on October 12, 2017 - 5:57pm

fucking spammers are at it agian

chpeverill-conti's picture

lets bring it back

on October 6, 2017 - 11:46am

everyone did this on this site in like 2014. why not bring it back!

So here's what you do;
1.Go to your music player
2.Put it on shuffle
3.For each scene, press the next button and so on.

Here's what I got;

Opening credits:
Rockabilly Impending Deathfuture - days n daze

Waking up:
you're so creepy (acoustic) ghost town

First Day of school:
panic song - green day (haha)

we're slytherins! - draco and the malfoys

Breaking Up:
F - mindless self indulgence

pull your own weight - veara

Life is good:
fly with me - jonas brothers

Mental Breakdown:
planet of the apes -



Wednesday September 27, 2017 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

i could just drive forever
10 miles over the speed limit
volume up so loud my ears crackle and my speakers crunch
fuck that support goup
yelling to the music
"i'm trying to show you how much you mean as days fade and nights grow we all go cold"
coming out of the darkness
into a more beautiful place of freedom
air on my face
one hand on the wheel
faster faster
if i could live like this forever
i'd truly be free
but for now
i'll settle for being very much alive



Tuesday September 26, 2017 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

have some dye in hair now. inferno by manic panic. its a red orange-y color. hope it'll look good, i got the dye about 3 years ago but hair dye doesn't really expire so that's good. it was white before this so the red will be very vibrant.

had a dream that this girl I was crushing on last year, Via, was writing suggestive messages on my drawing and we were in the program I was in last month. the showers in the program were really nice but there were no doors. I don't know how to describe it. it was interesting. I think it's because my dad saw Via's parents last night.

had class this morning. fell asleep. ops. quiz Thursday.

Listened to MCR for the first time in months, if not a year. I forgot what I bond I have with their music. had the car speakers up to 17 (really fucking loud for my car) and ibymbybmyl playing. then I put in the sharpest lives (live in mexico) and it was just so exhilarating, refreshing, comforting. it felt great to know that they could bring up the same great emotions even thought I don't listen to them much and I'm not as devoted or obsessed.

that's all for now

Monday September 18, 2017 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

class at 12, it's about 10 now.
parents got me a bracelet with a charm that said "FUED", or fuck you eating disorder. I like it a lot.
Lola, my dog is so funny. I don't know why but she's just so funny
spray painted some of my overalls;. i make stencils sometimes so i stenciled a black recovery symbol onto my denim overalls and a green vagina on my white overalls. looks awesome!
did not sleep well last night. had a lot of energy and couldn't fall asleep.
that's all i have to say for now i think.

Sunday September 17, 2017 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

last night i got home at 2:30 am. so tiered. dylan slept over.that was nice.

i have two chapters of reading for tomorrow's class. and studying for a quiz on tuesday. but i can't focus so it;s not getting done.

i also need to clean my room but i'm too tiered for that. but dyl and i slept till noon or so and it's 4 now so i would feel bad sleeping THAT much.

i need to have pm snack soon

wishing i had more energy and things to do and structure. being out of highschool is really hard for me because theres no structure and no one to walk you through

my friend katie is away at college but her parents are selling her old house. the open house is today and i want to go with savannah but she's not answering her text...


Friday September 15, 2017 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

Hey guys!
My 19th bday was ok. Not excellent but ok. It was pretty quiet.
I slept in a little and stuff. I got a package my mom ordered from my favorite etsy shop, themutantcircus, there was a cool skirt I'm wearing now with spikes, neon green lace and a patch and leather on the back. It's hard to explain. But it's cool! There were also some tee shirts and a cool skirt that wasn't a tee shirt. Dad and I went to the garment district (in cambridge) where I picked up some white overall shorts, a skull tee shirt and a BIG sweater. Then we went out for dumplings. Afterwards we walked around Harvard square. We went to the Newbury comics in the garage.

Then I had therapy and nutrition. Oh and I forgot to mention my class from the morning was canceled which is great cause I'm not prepared for my psych quiz.

Then we had dinner and my friend savannah came over. Savannah and I went to the mall. I went to spencers and bought, let's just call it, adult paraphernalia. She bought a poster. We walked around a bunch. I need to find something for dyls bday. I'm only 6 days older than him so our bdays are pretty close.

She went home and watched Howard and Kumar go to white castle. It's funny! It's about these two guys who get really high and crave white castle. So the whole movie is them just driving across new jersey to get to white castle.

Today I have NOTHING going on. Nothing planned. Not having structure is hard. And my only friends who are around now are Olivia and savannah. And they're busy a lot. Katie Chelsea and Ellie are in college and dyl is in Cali but he's back tomorrow.

That was a long blog.
That's all for now.

Wednesday September 13, 2017 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

I'm sitting in the car. It's so hot! I don't know how to open the windows more. I brought my school stuff. I should be studying. But idk how. Thanks everyone for bringing this site back even if it isn't as active as it was before. It was REALLY active.

I'm very excited for my 19th brithday tomorrow. For most of the day I have things like school and some Dr appts. But on Saturday we're going to the donkey show! I've been before and it's so much fun! It's a theater production of midsummer's night dream. But disco style. And it's immersive so the show is happening all around you. There's hot guys in little go go shorts standing on pedestals covered in GLITTER and girls in pasties so you have to be 18+ to go. It's in Harvard square. It's really fun :)

Dyl is in California. I miss him a lot. We text though. And he called me last night so that was good.

Wanted to welcome all these new members! It's so great to see new profile iconw haha! Quick reminder: if you didn't read the rules posted by the band, the main two I follow are no hate posts and no self harm posts. These rules are here just to make sure this is a safe place and no one's getting hurt or triggered.

Thats all too now