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chpeverill-conti's blog

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chpeverill-conti's picture

I don't wanna fall in love

on February 10, 2014 - 10:41am

that's a great green day song. I just don't want to get caught up in all the complicated bull shit that comes with a relationship. Yet, I find myself in one. I wish I wasn't , but I don't want to hurt her... also I feel like I owe it to her after I sent her all these mixed signals. I don't know what to do anymore.
- Z

chpeverill-conti's picture

Feeling a little better.

on February 6, 2014 - 6:23am

I'm sitting in a study with my friend Katie, and I'm feeling less anxious, a little better. I'm not 100% at the moment, but I doubt that day will ever come and there's nothing wrong with that.
Inbox me any time
- Z

chpeverill-conti's picture

I Want To Be Alone

on February 6, 2014 - 4:31am

I don't like people today. I just want to be alone and isolate. Can't stand social anxiety. I'm at school, and I don't have a hood so I can't curl up :(
- Z

chpeverill-conti's picture

Well. Here I am, at school.

on February 4, 2014 - 7:53am

And it sucks.
It's more than I don't want to be here at this point, more than just not liking school. It's knowing that I could be doing something better and more productive. I've always been really into activism. REALLY into activism. I want to change something that's wrong, it's what I need to do. But I can't do anything locked up in a fucking brick box all day! One minuet I'll be in a rage at school for limiting me and the next I'll be depressed because I want to help the world.

chpeverill-conti's picture

Can't take it

on February 3, 2014 - 11:06am

I can't take it right now, I was in algebra but I just can't do it! My mind is all over the place, cramps fucking kill. I know I should be using skills to make myself feel better, like I learned in the partial hospitalization program, but it's much easier said than done I really don't think this school is right for me, maybe if I don't go tomorrow it'll help. I feel like such an outsider here. I have friends but they just don't seem to get what I'm going through.



Monday July 15, 2013 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

It was pillarbox red by manic panic. Didn't turn out very red, more orange as you can see. It's okay I don't mind it for the time being, but soon I'n dying it RED. can't wait, love dying hair :)

Friday July 12, 2013 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

Yesterday was warped tour and it was SO AWESOME!! Tons of people were wearing MCR merch :3 I also got involved in a circle pit, mosh pit, wall of death (for The Used, so fun!), and crowd surfed twice. I got to see bands I look up to and run around with hardly any clothes on yay! Only bad thing was this old guy stuck his hands up my bikini top and I didn't notice for a while and then I did and was all like "what the fuck you doing there?" and ran away but it's hard to run away from someone when they have their hands up your shirt :( excluding the last con, BEST FUCKING DAY EVERRRR!

Wednesday July 03, 2013 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

Hey guys.
So I had an eating problem similar to anorexia about 7 months ago. And I think it's coming back. I've been super depressed and I get so mad at myself when I eat more than 700 calories. I can't stand how fucking fat I am and I wish I could just tear it all off of my body. I hate myself and I don't know what to do :(

Friday June 07, 2013 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

4 mins until FOOD TIME! so fucking bored in social studies, wuzzup with u guys? 3.30 mins uggggghhhhhhhh

Wednesday June 05, 2013 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

I don't even know any more... I get these really intense highs and lows. Like, my dr. thinks I'm bipolar highs and lows. I have been on this great high for about four days now. But I saw that Mikey said that he "hates unicorns" and something snapped. Something wasn't right in me. It should have been a little thing, but for some reason it was huge and hit me hard. Falling into depression seems like such an easy thing to do for me. Sometimes depression feels easier because if you're depressed and down, you don't really have to hide it because you know it's not worth trying. I really have been trying to be okay, for the band and my friends + family. But I'm sinking again and I don't know how I'm going to keep on going on this rollar coaster. I wish there was a break or an escape...

Wednesday May 22, 2013 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

You can cry all you like
but you will never take my life
because I am not afraid to keep on living
even if I have to walk this world alone
I promise I will stay
even when I don’t love you like I did yesterday
Turn off the light,
so long and goodnight
we’ll carry on
and sing it out out for the ones that’ll hate our guts
Life ain’t just a joke
but we’re still laughing.
Mama, we’re all gonna die,
but if you promise not to cry
I promise I will save the world
Cause no one wants to die
you’ll never break me
Put this spike in my heart and
do or die, you’ll never make me
because the world will never take my heart
without you is how I disappear,
I’ll never let them hurt you
Because the world is ugly
but you’re beautiful to me
We’ll say goodbye today
and I’m sorry how it ends this way
did you grab your glass?
Because there’s gonna be a flood.
You’re just a sad song
with nothing to say
about kiss goodbye, laughter as we die
save yourself, I’ll hold them back tonight
Stop your crying
helpless feeling
dry your eyes and start believing
pull the pin
and watch this world explode